This one’s for the ladies! (If you didn’t immediately think of Tina Fey DJing in “Baby Mama,” then I don’t know if we can continue this relationship.
Anyway, this week is dedicated to some pretty awesome — if not just plain entertaining — women. Before we begin: Don’t you dare forget to celebrate Mother’s Day on Sunday! Now let’s continue …
- Birthday Girls: It’s my aunt Lori’s and cousin Kelly’s birthdays (today and Saturday, respectively). One’s a teacher, the other a nurse — I wasn’t kidding the other day — so they deserve as much cake and presents as they can carry.
- Dear Girls Above Me: Charlie McDowell’s ultra-entertaining commentary is on pre-order in book form! A recent fave? “I got another ticket for parking in front of a fire hydrant when there wasn’t a fire!” –At least you have an airtight court case.
- Skinnygirl Margaritas: Bethenny Frankel, notably of RHONY fame, is the mastermind behind the Skinnygirl brand. So go on and keep raising a glass for Cinco de Drinko (minus the guilt)!
- “Girl on Fire” – Alicia Keys: If ever there was a women-kick-ass anthem, it’s this one. I prefer the Nicki Minaj “Inferno” version, but either way, it’s a powerhouse hit.
You can try but you’ll never forget her name.
I’ve had no shortage of distractions lately, so choosing just four finds this week was tough. In the end, throw what you know: a cute guy, a sport, a funny site and a lovable laugh riot.
- Bruno Mars: It’s safe to say my little crush on Mr. Mars has evolved into a full-blown frenzy of like, love. From his interview as a toddler with Pauly Shore to new single “When I Was Your Man,” I am in luuurve.
- Rugby: Any display of sport that involves a bunch of tackling and huddling is awesome. The fact that we’re attending a club rugby team’s date auction Friday is amazeballs.
- Shit Rough Drafts: Imagine the first drafts of your most beloved books, and there you have Shit Rough Drafts. Hemingway, Poe and Hawthorne have never sounded so good.
- The Lonely Island – “The Creep”: My obsession with The Lonely Island boys is ever-growing, especially when I rediscover gems like this one. I plan on using this move all weekend long.
Returning host LL Cool J tucked his ears into a Kangol hat and shared a handful of awful puns to bring music superstars together tonight.
His personal stories were long-winded and confusing, though not quite on par with Jodie Foster’s now infamous Emmy speech.
The red carpet coverage was entertaining, but can we all back off from pushing the social media stuff? Hashtag: It’s overkill.
The Fashions: Some snoozes, some surprises
- Finally dressing her age, Taylor Swift’s flowing gown was stunning. And that’s the only nice thing I’ll say about her tonight.
- Jennifer Lopez clearly missed the restricted dress-code memo (and later joked about it). Honey, your cooch is loose. Oh also? You’re FORTY-THREE.
- Usually adventurous Beyonce donned a bland pantsuit, but she’s Queen B and looked gorgeous anyway. Former DC3 band mate Kelly Rowland wowed in my fave dress of the night.
- Katy Perry said she channeled Priscilla Presley, and I think The King himself would be pleased with her tribute. Va-va-voooom — but where were notoriously wacky Lady Gaga and Nicki Manaj?
- Katy’s BFF Rihanna looked far more glamorous than I’ve seen her in a while, and first-timer Carly Rae Jepsen slinked and sparkled in a gorgeous gown.
- No idea what Adele was thinking, but I’ll allow post-pregnancy brain as her excuse.
The Performances: Where actors prove their relevance for attending
- Taylor Swift opened with that awful never, ever song — in a surprising departure from her sickly sweet scenery. Still no rhythm, Tay Tay. Like, ever.
- Sir Elton John and Ed Sheeran collaborated to perform a dazzling rendition of the latter’s hit single “The A Team.”
- Neil Patrick Harris included Barney Stinson trademark “legendary” in his introduction of fun. for their sweet ballad, “Carry On.”
- Quintessential douche John Mayer stood with icon Bonnie Raitt. They announced Miranda Lambert and tour mate Dierks Bentley’s too-loud dual duets. Say that five times fast!
- Is Johnny Depp homeless now? He sure looks it. Mumford & Sons strummed and sung an electric “I Will Wait” to shift our focus away from Depp’s derelict designs.
- Beyonce and Ellen DeGeneres paired up perfectly to introduce OMG JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE. His “Suit and Tie” world premiere was simply fantastical, even better in, you guessed it: black and white. Jay-Z joined in because he can and we loved him for it.
- Maroon 5 led with “Daylight” before Alicia Keys brought it home with “Girl on Fire.” Adam Levine is better speaking, not singing. Alicia’s crooning (and drumming!) saved my ears yet again.
- Rihanna and Mickey Echo belted “Stay” to a silenced crowd. Finally, a Ri Ri song I don’t hate!
- 1 Broke Girl Kat Dennings announced The Black Keys, performing alongside Preservation Hall Jazz Band and Doctor John. Hipster magic was made and they lived happily ever after.
- Kelly Clarkson paid homage to Patti Page and Bonnie Tyler with respective renditions of “The Tennessee Waltz” and “A Natural Woman.” Get it, girl.
- The much-anticipated Bob Marley tribute kicked off with Bruno Mars and his lovable backup dancers, followed by powerhouse performers Sting, Rihanna and Damian and Ziggy Marley. Shout-out to everyone singing along, especially NPH and that one white guy with his arms crossed.
- The Lumineers nailed “Ho Hey” before introducing Jack White. The former was an entertaining escape; the latter was reminiscent of old jams to The White Stripes. Even Nicole Kidman said it was awesome.
- Newcomer Hunter Hayes warbled through “Wanted,” but I’m told that’s how it should sound. Carrie Underwood appeared with “Blown Away.” Yet another example of sound techs needing to check before they wreck!
- An acoustic and bilingual “Your Song” by Latin GRAMMY winner Juanes was soft and sweet before introducing Frank Ocean for “Forrest Gump.” Lieutenant Dan, ICE CREAM?!
- LL Cool J teamed up with Travis Barker and others to close the show. “WHADDUP” felt out of place, but I always enjoy a “No Sleep Till Brooklyn” nod.
The Winners: 3.5 hours of coverage, and only 11 televised gramaphones
- Spicy songsters Jennifer Lopez and Pitbull presented Best Pop Solo Performance to Adele for her live version of “Set Fire to the Rain.” In a 15ish-second speech, she held the award awkwardly and called J. Lo her good luck charm. Adorbs all around.
- Hot-this-moment Miguel and Wiz Khalifa worked the crowd in patterned suits before presenting Best Country Solo Performance to American (Idol) sweetheart Carrie Underwood for “Blown Away.” Her heartfelt speech was also short and sweet.
- Country’s favorite couple (right, guys?) Tim McGraw and Faith Hill awarded fun. with coveted Song of the Year honor for “We Are Young,” as performed with Janelle Monae. Many thanks were given to their fellow musicians, with Jay-Z shouting back “You’re welcome!” Classic HOVA.
- Proud presenters Kelly Rowland and Nas announced first-ever Best Urban Contemporary Album winner Frank Ocean for Channel Orange. You mad, Chris Brown?
- Producer of the Year Dan Auerbach was announced by Pauly Perrette and my future first husband, Dave Grohl. They then honored Auerbach’s band mates, The Black Keys, with Best Rock Performance for “Lonely Boy.”
- Kaley Cuoco shouted alongside American Idol judge Keith Urban to present first AI winner Kelly Clarkson with Best Pop Vocal Album. She rambled and ran around like a crazy person. Perfection.
- Carly Rae Jepsen and Ne-Yo presented Jay-Z, Kanye West, Frank Ocean and The Dream with Best Rap Song Collaboration. Mr. West was absent, but Jay-Z killed again.
- Best Country Album went to The Zac Brown Band for Uncaged, and their thanks to the fans brought roars from the crowd.
- Eyelash line creator Katy Perry joked and presented Best New Artist to fun., who should definitely change that period to an exclamation point (NPH)! Their pee jokes were great too.
- The man, the legend, the symbol, the cane: Prince! He handed over the GRAMMY for Record of the Year to Gotye and Kimbra for “Somebody That I Used to Know.” No surprise there.
- 2012’s GRAMMY cleaner-upper, Adele, presented Album of the Year to Mumford & Sons for “Babel.” Their flirtation with the crowd (and Adele) was both humble and humorous.
Before its In Memoriam segment, The GRAMMY Foundation announced a brand-new category, set to begin in 2014: The Music Educator Award.
And speaking of education, the touching Sandy Hook tribute brought a wealth of performers together — and the crowd to its feet.
Did you watch? How do you think it compared to last year’s event?
Well, well, well. Here we are: another hump day and I’m slowly slipping into madness. Thank goodness Magz is in town for the week and keeping me as cool, calm and collected as I can be. These four little guys are helping too:
- “My So-Called Life”: I was too young to watch when this drama starring Claire Danes originally aired, but I’ve become hooked thanks to my DVR and Netflix. And Jordan Catalano? What a stud.
- Pandas: An adorable iPhone cover, the sneezing baby, this pin … panda bears are consuming my life. My sorority’s mascot and childhood nickname may or may not have something to do with it.
- Pinstrosity: Speaking of pins, my latest blog loving goes out to this celebrator of pin fails (and some wins too). Remember the fortune cookies tacos I made for VD Day? They’d be right at home here.
- “Beez in the Trap” – Nicki Minaj: Say whatcha want about Miss Minaj — I don’t always agree with her “fashion” choices either — but this song is damn catchy. Stuck all day, all week … let’s hope not all month.
If I weren’t rappin’, I’d be trappin’.