Tyler Perry: The Bane of My Existence

This fall, see Tyler Perry as Tyler Perry in Tyler Perry’s “House of Tyler Perry.”

I cannot stand this unfunny douche canoe. His movies, shows, press tours and general promote-till-your-ears-bleed way of life makes me sick.

His latest creation is titled “For Colored Girls,” but the working title was “For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When the Rainbow Is Not Enuf.” I have to credit Perry for making likely the single smart decision in his shameless career: He shortened the title to something said in one breath (and it’s spelled correctly!).

Between this installment, countless Madea reincarnations and the entire TBS lineup, I’m sick to death of hearing Tyler Perry talk about how awesome Tyler Perry is. Ever hear of a little something called humility?

I’ve never watched any of his “works,” nor do I ever intend to … I’m not looking for salvation in seeing a cross-dressing middle-aged man purposely mispronouncing things so the laugh track can tell me it’s funny.

I can’t understand why some people (I’m looking at you, Oprah) act like he’s some sort of comedic revolutionary who brings people together by finding humor in tough times. Uhh, I’ve seen that song and dance, and Chevy Chase did a hell of a better job at it — sans laugh track.

All of Perry’s works dance through the spectrum of jokes about oppression to “uplifting” messages that have been done plenty of times before. We’ve seen and heard it, thanks to you shoving it down our throats. And it’s not gotten any meatier or easier to digest.

There aren’t many things in this topsy-turvy world that I can say I’m absolutely sure of. The list is limited to absolutes that, God willing, I’ll never be proven wrong about. But Perry brings it to a whole new level. I can say, without a shadow of a doubt and in my deepest heart of hearts, that I will never think Perry is funny.

Rest assured that in countless reiterations over the next 10–20 years, Perry, Madea and whatever other idiotic personas he’s stashed away will try. I can’t wait for that “House of Payne” on my already worn-thin patience.