Lessons from London

I’ve watched the 2012 Summer Olympics from my couch for a week now, so clearly I’m an athletic expert. Here are some things I’ve learned along the way and would love to share with the regular people.

The last person on Earth I’d expect to see cover the games is Seacrest.

My cartwheels will need to improve if I want to make it to Rio.
Glitter hairspray and scrunchies alone won’t get me there.

It could never work out between me and Russell Holmes.
He’s Mormon and I don’t like to share. Matt Anderson will have to do.

Debbie Phelps gets exponentially more insufferable every four years.

NBC’s lack of coverage from Speed Walking is thoroughly disappointing.

A Hollywood brat cheating makes bigger headlines on Facebook than history being made every day.

The U.S. Men’s Swimming team should be cast in “Magic Mike 2.”
Let those abs do the talking.

Trampoline is not nearly as exciting a sport as the name lends itself to be.

Kerri Walsh Jennings has two sons, one named Sundance. Real life.

The U.S. stole music from other countries, so I keep singing
“My Country ‘Tis of Thee” every time “God Save the Queen” plays.

We should learn Metrics as children.
I have no clue how long a 10,000m run is. (30,000ft? How many MILES?)

And, so you have it. Now back to prepping for tonight’s events … bring on the Badminton, please!