I somehow survived Celine and Christina and my time in the desert but came back with a wicked cough and nonstop sneezes. Ain’t that how it always is? Enjoy a few days away, come back miserable.
In the absence of things I’m over-the-top excited about this week (no tastebuds will do that to you), here are a few things that have kept me smiling, in no particular order:
- Prepare Yourself, Because This Personality Quiz Is Gonna Read You Like A Book
- Fyre Festival Alum Andy King’s Hollywood Career Has Officially Begun
- 17 Beach Hacks That Are 841% Genius
- Cast Your Vote: Doodle for Google
I’m blogging live from the Celine Dion concert in Las Vegas and not at all ashamed of it. The people in front of us hate our enthusiasm but the people behind us are French Canadian and in it for the long haul.
As my mom would say, I’m living my best life. That’s really all there is to report guys! Except for a family wedding and baptism and a minor car accident and a million-dollar prize … totally all I had to share this time.
Xoxo, my heart will not go on.
Sometimes the simplest things in life can truly bring the greatest pleasures. I got back to my simple roots this week and, I gotta say, it really helped me get through some shit.
- GoT Finale: Wouuuld we call this simple? No. But finally knowing how our beloved Starks and the rest of the Westeros crew fared brings such closure to the chaos. Didn’t love it, wouldn’t rate it 10/10, but does any finale ever really nail it? Thanks for the memories, GoT. And now our watch has ended.
- Olive Garden: I don’t know if there’s another restaurant that reminds me of home as much as the OG. My grandpa (Pop) was a daily visitor and everyone knows those breadsticks can inspire family feuds like no other. I had my first-ever Tour of Italy and will be visiting again soon.
- Lolli & Pops: Next to the only OG in town is a massive mall, containing this SF treasure. We were actual kids in a candy store as my friend gasped “Pineapple! Gummy sharks!” etc. etc. The massive candy bark and cookie-dough bites are worth the visit alone.
- “Candy” – Mandy Moore: Well, duh. But I also killed some time the other day watching “Center Stage” and was reminded of this perennial pop hit’s place in history. Doesn’t get sweeter than that. Love always, Mandy.
If I’m completely honest, I thought it was Thursday until about 10 minutes ago. There are plenty of reasons my brain isn’t functioning properly but I’ll save you all those and just blame it on the rain.
When all else fails and I just need something to distract myself from failure, I turn to none other than SNL.
So please enjoy this tribute to Celebrity Jeopardy from circa 2014 and laugh along with me long enough to forget it’s Wednesday, too.
I’ve had a nauseated feeling all day and couldn’t figure out why. It’s not food poisoning, the flu, or any other illness. It’s not morning sickness, so don’t even go there. I thought maybe it was from getting too high on my own supply now that we have a couch I can sit on, instead of a camping chair.
And then two friends (and former colleagues) sent me this article [TRIGGER WARNING].
I used to work for this man. He probably has no clue who I am, but I worked for him when his $300 million company had fewer than 200 employees. I danced with him and others at a company event my third week. I posed with him for pictures and hugged him and drank with him and none of this (excuse my French) fucking matters because a teenage girl who trusted him as a family friend was sexually abused and she will forever have to live with that trauma.
I don’t have anything profound to say at the moment, as I’m still processing and can’t even imagine what this young girl has gone through. And will go through. And have to relive and repeat the attack over and over. And defend. And explain. As if she had anything to do with this other than being his prey.
My heart and thoughts and prayers go out to her, which is hardly anything in the wake of her being brave enough to speak out. I can only hope the criminal justice system will do its due diligence and offer some small token of hope for her and the millions of other sexual abuse victims who have the courage to stand up for themselves. #MeToo yet a-fucking-gain.
I thought it’d be fun to capture each month’s activities and milestones in a series called Witty Rewind. It may not be for posterity’s sake, but I hope you’ll enjoy looking back at the previous month with me.
This first paragraph has been dedicated to my health and wellness journey, but tbh guys, I’ve put all that on the backburner. Yes, I bought essential oils. Yes, I practiced some yoga. Yes, I ate a lot of kale. But to say I’m the picture of health (as much as I want to) would be an utter fallacy. [Times I thought about working out: ~50]
I did bump back up my reading list with a handful of books I flew right through. There were some peaks and valleys, some tears and laughs. Overall, I’m just glad my library card is getting so much use (and that my employer reimburses books I read for my job). They’re the real MVPs. [Books read: 6]
Here’s what else I spent time doing in April:
- Fighting a mystery illness
- Seeing a Star Wars–themed burlesque show
- Explaining to people what/why/who/where re: a Star Wars–themed burlesque show
- Wine-ing with friends after a Vegas trip as a no-go
- Being “those people” at said wineries and giving zero Fs
- Spending time getting set up for the next year of Junior League
- Seeing former colleagues at a ladies’ happy-hour-turned-mega-celebration
- Worshipping a dear friend who knows how to purge crap without judgment
- Brunching with former colleagues at a spot I hadn’t been before
- Dyeing Easter eggs and enjoying homemade lemon cupcakes with a dear friend
- Avoiding my old apartment during countless showings, despite needing to pack
- MOVING to a new apartment with a former roommate! ! !
- Getting my deep clean on at the dentist twice #NoCavities
- Toasting a former colleague as she closes one chapter for a new one at FitBit (gasp!)
- Reaching peak adulthood as I nearly cried when receiving a new mattress
The only photo I have from April that slightly resembles me.
I intended to cover some other very exciting things this week, but then I noticed a recurring theme and couldn’t stop myself. You guys know I love a good theme, yeah? Let’s see if you can figure it out, but first, lemme light a candle:
- Van Diemens: RIP, you awful bar. I spent so many nights (and days) in NYC at this bar, first because they played my college team’s football games, but then because we got to know the staff so well they just gave us great deals all the time. I recently learned it’s since closed and my poor soul aches thinking of all the times we could have had if it hadn’t closed its doors.
- Paradise Park: Even more recently (as in last night), I learned this Nashville treasure shuttered last summer. You want a bucket of Bud Lights and live music and the best people-watching that side of the Mississippi? Well, good luck finding it anywhere else on the bar-lined Broadway. In all seriousness, though, Paradise Park will forever remain my fave Nashville spot and I’m in full mourning.
- Ghost from GoT: Has a CGI character ever inspired such reaction, such fan-demonium, such chatter? Probably, but this one’s top of mind and so he’s featured here today. The budget for Game of Thrones is utterly wild, so to know our dear Ghost gets any screen time anymore is kind of a major blessing… but it’s still not enough for us fans. All Ghost, all the time? I smell a sequel.
- “The Ghost of You” – My Chemical Romance: Oh yeah, we’re throwing it back and it’s not even Thursday yet. As you’ve likely guessed by now, this week has dug up a lot of ancient memories for me, so it’s only natural I tip my metaphorical hat to the guyliner-wearing screamers I loved. Never one to love a mosh pit, I can still appreciate how this song gives me all the feels all these years later.