Tag Archive | adulthood

Witty Rewind: May 2019

I thought it’d be fun to capture each month’s activities and milestones in a series called Witty Rewind. It may not be for posterity’s sake, but I hope you’ll enjoy looking back at the previous month with me.

It should come as no surprise that my health and wellness focus has fallen quite off the rails. I battled a couple of allergy attacks, and my motivation has run away further than any ol’ 5K would get me. I did focus more on meditation and mindfulness, so I’m trying to not beat myself up about it. But when you’re an all-or-nothing kinda person, it def feels futile. [Minutes meditated: ~200]

What I always come back to for relaxation and rejuvenation is READING. I’ve been “competing” in a one-book-a-week challenge at work and smashed my goal of 13 books in 10 weeks, with a week still to go. From awful self-help advice to the horrors of Nazi Germany, it’s been quite a journey. [Books read: 7]

Here’s how else I spent the month of May:

  1. Celebrated Cinco with margaritas and Book Club
  2. Had a roomie reunion dinner at a new Mediterranean spot
  3. Happy-houred with former colleagues and enjoyed comped treats from the chef
  4. Dinner and a pop-up show in Oakland — truly remarkable!
  5. Canceled plans on canceled plans on canceled plans (I blame mystery illness)
  6. My oldest niece graduated from VPK! The pics are everything
  7. Volunteered with the Junior League of SF and prepped incoming leadership
  8. Sat out the annual Bay to Breakers mayhem (let’s say because of rainy forecasts)
  9. Ventured to OLIVE GARDEN with my girlfriends who truly are family
  10. Continued furnishing the new apartment, despite incomplete deliveries and delays
  11. Celebrated the end of the League year with dinners, drinks, wine country… you name it
  12. Saw the Monet exhibit before it left SF…
  13. …and ended the evening with a scary (though relatively minor) car crash
  14. Remembered how atrocious the insurance and healthcare industries are in the US
  15. Traveled to Vegas with a lot of aspirin and saw CELINE DION in one of her final shows

Image Courtesy of My iPhone

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WO: Weekly Obsessions

I’m gonna tell you straight: I had a 9-hour safety training today, so pls excuse any typos. Now wouldn’t that be a great email signature “sent from my iPhone”?

Image Credits Listed Below

  1. Remembering Kate Spade: The tragic news of Kate Spade’s apparent suicide sent shock waves in my circles yesterday. How could someone who seemingly had it all take their own life? As of this writing, I don’t know exactly what mental health or other struggles Spade endured. I do know, though, her legacy won’t soon be forgotten. For more, read one author’s take on what she meant for women. As always, if you or someone you know is struggling, there are resources available. Including me ❤
  2. Am I There Yet?: The Loop-de-Loop, Zig-Zagging Journey to Adulthood” – Mari Andrew: You may have followed author and artist Mari Andrew’s doodles for years on Instagram; or you may have just learned of her work with her annual, viral Mother’s Day illustration (or you may be just hearing of her now). In any case, her debut book illuminates more of Andrews’s personal life, coupled with those oh-so-relatable drawings and doodles.
  3. Mari Andrew in SF: After I myself became familiar with her work in 2016 with this Identifying the Problem post, I knew I just had to learn more about this Mari Andrew woman. The day has finally come and I’m super pumped for her event tonight at the JCC in SF. I may secretly check the Warriors/Cavs score but am otherwise thrilled to have the chance to hear her speak about #HowToAdult.
  4. “No Tears Left to Cry” – Ariana Grande”: I’m still on the fence about her new relationship with Pete Davidson (don’t even get me started on ScarJo-CoJo’s), but it’s impossible to escape this bop so here we are. The always intriguing, incredibly talented Grande puts out an earworm like no other and this latest offering is no exception.

 

 

Images courtesy of: Andrew Toth, Amazon, Clémènce Polès, Genius

WO: Weekly Obsessions

You know the saying, “If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him your plans”? I feel like that’s the definition of how this past week has been for me, folks.

You may already be well aware how Type A I am about planning, organization and attention to detail. Pshhh, that all goes out the window when the 24 hours in a day seem to vanish in the blink of an eye.

Between multiple birthday celebrations, a work trip (with a surprise snowfall!), candidate interviews, review cycles and a whole lotta other #firstworldproblems, I’m still dumbfounded that it’s already (and yet, only) Wednesday.

So here’s my penance offering — please enjoy and don’t @ me, bro!

 

30 Before 30

In honor of my upcoming 30th birthday, I’ve researched countless “things to do before 30” lists. And while there are plenty to choose from, I kept coming back to “Thirty Things Every Woman Should Have and Should Know by the Time She’s 30.”

The List was originally published in Glamour by columnist Pamela Redmond Satran in 1997. Over the next 30 weeks, I’ll be tackling each item on The List and reflecting about it here… publicly (gulp). I hope you enjoy and we can grow together. After all, turning older is a privilege denied to many.

By 30, you should know…
28. Who you can trust, who you can’t, and why you shouldn’t take it personally.

Remember when The List covered such fluffy topics as umbrellas and makeup? Trust is far and away one of the most difficult topics for me to discuss on this blog — isn’t it ironic, Alanis?

I’ve been through all sorts of ups and downs in personal and professional relationships. I’ve trusted too much and been burned. I’ve been given too much trust and done the burning in a moment of anger. I’ve trusted too little and burned myself. Trusting and burning, trusting and burning, rinse and repeat.

Courtesy of JeremyChin.com

What does legendary gossip columnist Liz Smith say about trust? Well, she’s got more than 50 years of experience in the business, pissed off many — from Sinatra to Trump — and she’s lived to tell the tale.

Smith’s tips are as follows, with (you guessed it!) my own take below each:

You can usually trust a gal who says it like it is.
This may come in many forms, but I’ve personally tried to live by Maya Angelou’s words: “When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.” This opens up a debate of show versus tell, but I think the point is the same: Most people aren’t living double lives. How they treat a customer service agent, hired help, someone in need… it’s pretty telling of who they are as a human being.

When it comes to romance, heed these words: Trust and verify.
In today’s dating world, we have the ability to research a potential match before we even meet them. There’s the episode of “How I Met Your Mother” which explores the battle of mystery vs. history, i.e.,  wanting to know you’re not meeting up (or already dating) a psychopath, but wanting to keep some mystery alive. My take? It doesn’t hurt to know some basics, like their name, their age (range, at least), what industry they work in… and of course, their app bio says a lot about how much they value words and/or the English language. But some things can also be discovered on a real, live date — and make for a hell of a story after.

Never trust your instincts when you’re angry.
Remember how I said people show you who they are? This might be the one exception. Who hasn’t been frustrated with Comcast after 90 minutes on the phone with them? If you can recognize it in the moment, at least, you can mitigate any major faux pas and save yourself the embarrassment of feeling like a total A-hole. Same goes for traffic temper tantrums, though I think we’re all thankful I haven’t driven regularly in nearly five years.

Assume you can’t trust anyone who’s just handed you a contract.
I don’t have a mountain of personal experience with contractual obligations, aside from rental leases and a million Terms & Conditions I’ve toootally read through. But Smith’s point is 100% valid: Get legal advice before you sign anything! I’ve asked for second opinions on work contracts, and I’ve learned the hard way to get freelance agreements well-documented in writing. Feeling the burn? All right.

Life’s just too short to take every little betrayal personally.
This one may be the hardest of all, because it’s natural to feel like certain behaviors or responses are directed toward you. And with social media, Lord knows some of those are directed at you. Instead of getting into a Twitter feud or FB debate, I’ve learned to not engage. If it really irks me, I might privately message or call the person to try and talk it out. Yes, the trolls are real. But holding onto hatred for them only hurts you.

There are no real secrets, so you might as well tell the truth about things.
Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you Public Relations 101. Only you can manage your story. If you’re not up front about certain things — whether it’s being a single mom on the dating scene or messing up at work — the truth will come out. Maybe not right away, and maybe not even with the person you’ve offended. But it will, so why not manage the message and take ownership from the start?

Truthfully, this entire post made me sweat 😅 But being open and vulnerable with you all is kind of the whole point of this series, right?

30 Before 30

In honor of my upcoming 30th birthday, I’ve researched countless “things to do before 30” lists. And while there are plenty to choose from, I kept coming back to “Thirty Things Every Woman Should Have and Should Know by the Time She’s 30.”

The List was originally published in Glamour by columnist Pamela Redmond Satran in 1997. Over the next 30 weeks, I’ll be tackling each item on The List and reflecting about it here… publicly (gulp). I hope you enjoy and we can grow together. After all, turning older is a privilege denied to many.

By 30, you should know…
27. That nobody gets away with smoking, drinking, doing drugs or not flossing for very long.

This very well could be the thing that makes many feel like life is over at 30. Fun is done. Show is over. Throw in the towel now, grandma.

What Katie Crouch, this week’s author, emphasizes instead is all of the things she lost from focusing too much on booze and not enough on being present.

We’ll get to my perspective on it in a moment, but first, I’ll glaze over the other vices — just as Katie did.

My parents were smokers until my dad’s stroke at age 45, so my brother and I were kids who didn’t want to repeat the cycle. Have I ever smoked? Yes. And I do enjoy a celebratory cigar with my male relatives at weddings and big events. But I’ve never purchased a pack of cigarettes, and I still can’t stand the smell. I hated the clouds of smoke in NYC, and I hate them even more now on the rare occasion I smell one in SF. My brother, to this day, has never smoked a cigarette. So, smoking? Not an issue.

I won’t play Polly Perfect and tell you I’ve never tried drugs either. I will say, though, I’ve only ever experimented with marijuana and I have no desire to try anything else. It doesn’t matter if Molly is trending or cocaine will keep the party going. I want no part of it. And weed lost its luster after a bad trip years ago at a friend’s wedding weekend. It killed the mood and made me completely paranoid, a feeling I didn’t ever want to experience again. Since then, I find the skunky smell less inviting… even though it’s a daily feature of SF life.

Not flossing… talk about a buzzkill! I set a goal for myself just last year to commit regularly to the painful practice. I’ve had every dental issue under the sun, so why wouldn’t I prioritize something to help me be healthier? I still don’t floss every single day and night, but I did recently purchase an electric toothbrush to signal my acceptance of adulthood and help keep my chompers intact. And as much as I loathe threading floss through my permanent bottom retainer (TMI?), I’m not willing to give that up and risk having my paid-for pearly whites shift around.

Now, back to alcohol: the belle of the (high)ball. Crouch details some of her lowest lows from years of boozing, and while I haven’t missed a friend’s rehearsal dinner because of it, I’ve certainly been to work hungover (sometimes, yes, still drunk). I’ve flirted with guys I wouldn’t come within a mile of if I were sober. I’ve been vulnerable and in compromising situations and made stupid choices, because I realized too late I’d had too many.

It doesn’t help that my family history is littered with addiction, alcohol included. I’m fortunate to say we’ve had more triumphs than tragedy, but my childhood understanding of alcohol was seeing it used as a mechanism for coping, celebrations and everything in between. I thought it was normal to drink with family members at home when I was 14. I didn’t see the correlation between my incredibly high tolerance and predisposition for the disease.

You may recall my post from February, about being sober for a month. This conscious decision to refrain from drinking for 31 days brought a few things into laser focus for me. Have I indulged in alcohol since then? You betcha. But I’ve also found other ways to cope with a stressful or disappointing day. I don’t say nearly as often how much “I need a drink” and suggest socializing with workouts or other activities that won’t kill my liver.

And as fun as it might be in the moment, the hangovers that come with age are no joke. All the Pedialyte and breakfast sandwiches in the world won’t change that.

As Crouch says, setting some basic rules for yourself can help ease you into a life less fueled by alcohol. While I *barely* have crow’s feet, and certainly not lines that creep past my cheekbones, I can live with limiting nights out past midnight to one per week. “Slow[ing] down enough to build… relationships, career and a family” actually sounds like one heck of a party, if you ask me. Cheers to that.

Courtesy of FB

30 Before 30

In honor of my upcoming 30th birthday, I’ve researched countless “things to do before 30” lists. And while there are plenty to choose from, I kept coming back to “Thirty Things Every Woman Should Have and Should Know by the Time She’s 30.”

The List was originally published in Glamour by columnist Pamela Redmond Satran in 1997. Over the next 30 weeks, I’ll be tackling each item on The List and reflecting about it here… publicly (gulp). I hope you enjoy and we can grow together. After all, turning older is a privilege denied to many.

By 30, you should know…
25. That your childhood may not have been perfect, but it’s over.

Wow, Lisa Ling. Way to hit a girl right in the feels.

The journalist, author and TV hostess narrates this week’s challenge. She explains — with her ever-present grace and poise — how her parents divorced when she was just seven years old. She jumped into a maternal role for her younger sister, and thus began a decades-long pattern of tackling challenges head-on.

This perspective is priceless, particularly as someone whose life also changed overnight at a young age. After our dad’s stroke, my brother and I were told we’d be “growing up fast” and took on respective responsibilities to help around the house. Our childhood didn’t suffer, per se, but it certainly changed our perspectives and family structure more than many of our classmates could empathize with or understand.

As Ling explains about her own experience, “I was teased a lot for being different and I never invited the friends I did have over because I was embarrassed that our house was a disaster on the inside.” She speaks both as a first-generation Chinese-American and as a child of divorced parents, but I think most children seek that comfort and value and security of popularity + perfectionism. What we often failed to realize as kids, though, is how unrealistic those aspirations are.

Courtesy of WeKnowMemes.com

Our experiences are all relative — that is, my absolute worst experience may “pale in comparison” to yours, but that doesn’t make mine (or yours!) any less valid. Whether it’s death; poverty; abuse; or yes — ”even” being unpopular — we’ve all struggled with our own demons. We’ve all wished to walk in someone else’s shoes, daydreaming about what it’d be like to be them for a day. And while I fully support the creative lens and imagination, I hope we each can find things in our own lives to be thankful for; to appreciate those unique experiences only we can say we did.

Remembering your childhood without letting it define you is likely a work in progress for us all. A song or movie sends us back; a conversation triggers our memory; a repeated offense transports us to another place and time.

But, if we can heed Ling’s advice and make peace with our pasts first; then be grateful for them, we can begin to appreciate how those experiences shaped our adult selves… without that damn existential dread setting in.

Courtesy of Imgur.com

30 Before 30

In honor of my upcoming 30th birthday, I’ve researched countless “things to do before 30” lists. And while there are plenty to choose from, I kept coming back to “Thirty Things Every Woman Should Have and Should Know by the Time She’s 30.”

The List was originally published in Glamour by columthe nist Pamela Redmond Satran in 1997. Over the next 30 weeks, I’ll be tackling each item on The List and reflecting about it here… publicly (gulp). I hope you enjoy and we can grow together. After all, turning older is a privilege denied to many.

Courtesy of MemeGenerator.net

By 30, you should know…
19. When to try harder and when to walk away.

Similar to last week’s task, this challenge made me think a lot about what it means to quit.

Often seen as a pejorative term, quitting is frowned upon — usually without taking into consideration our human and humble needs. It doesn’t have to mean you’ve given up, or you haven’t tried hard enough or some other iteration of being a whiny baby.

To be clear, it’s understandable why “winners never quit and quitters never win” was drilled into our heads as kids. The point is about learning resiliency, and how there will often be things in life you have to do — whether or not you want to.

I was on a cycle for years of starting the year strong with Girl Scouts. We’d come off an amazing summer trip; I’d be pumped for the year ahead; and then around the time we had to sell cookies or calendars, I wanted out. Girl Scouts was dorky, or I was frenemies with a troop member or camping was gross. My parents wouldn’t let me quit mid-year, though — I was to see myself through the end of the year and then I could choose to not sign up for the following year. And what would always happen at the end of each year? Another amazing summer trip, and we’d start the routine all over again.

What if my parents had let me quit any of those times I cried dramatically about hating it? I wouldn’t have completed thousands of hours of volunteer work; nor earned my Silver Award, my Gold Award (the highest honor in Girl Scouts) nor my college scholarship for scouting service. I wouldn’t have continued what have become some of my longest-lasting friendships. I wouldn’t have cried at the thought of my former camp suffering from a massive brush fire last weekend.

Instead, I would have learned it’s OK to give up when things get tough.

I went through similar lessons in my years of athletic competition. Whether it was a practice, scrimmage, game or tournament, I’d want to give up when I just wasn’t feeling it. But I’d learn at the end of each season how perseverance paid off and hard workers were often rewarded. Setting records, learning leadership, forging friendships — these are just a few of the perks of sticking a tough situation out. And earning those after you’ve been ready to give up is all that much sweeter.

Now, what’s equally important, is knowing when to walk away.

This is one I clearly haven’t mastered, as evidenced in last week’s essay. Comedienne Kathy Griffin writes this week’s response to The List, and she provides the classic example of leaving an unhealthy relationship.

The problem for many of us, though, is not seeing how unhealthy a relationship is until we’re out of it. Hindsight is often 20/20… so how do we bump it up into foresight?

Objectively, you can look at the data. See what patterns emerge from past relationships (or jobs, or friendships… you get the idea). Do you leave feeling used or bad about yourself or some other negative way? Is it really possible for the situation to change, or are you giving it your all without ever receiving anything back?

Griffin points out how stereotypically easy it is for men to move on from relationships. They leave without looking back. But women, often, are “more analytical and accommodating. We tend to hang in there and try harder.” That’s not necessarily wrong of us, but it can explain why we can feel like it’s our fault if/when things don’t work out.

The point this week, I think, is finding the balance and trusting your instinct. If you feel you should try harder, then set a timeline to check in with yourself again and see if things have improved. Don’t give up, per se, but reevaluate what’s worth your precious time, effort and energy. And if you feel it’s time to walk away — or all of your friends are saying so because they’re acknowledging what you won’t — then know that you will be OK and aren’t a failure for doing so.

At the end of the day, it isn’t selfish to prioritize your needs and learn these lessons. It’s self-care.