In honor of my upcoming 30th birthday, I’ve researched countless “things to do before 30” lists. And while there are plenty to choose from, I kept coming back to “Thirty Things Every Woman Should Have and Should Know by the Time She’s 30.”
The List was originally published in Glamour by columnist Pamela Redmond Satran in 1997. Over the next 30 weeks, I’ll be tackling each item on The List and reflecting about it here… publicly (gulp). I hope you enjoy and we can grow together. After all, turning older is a privilege denied to many.
By 30, you should have…
13. The belief you deserve it.
Reminder: Last week’s task was to have “something ridiculously expensive that you bought for yourself, just because you deserve it.”
So, I jumped the gun a little on this one, as I already spoke last week about learning to accept how deserving I am of something ridiculously expensive.
Taking that concept further, though, I read this week’s mini-essay with fervor. It’s a foreign concept to me… to believe you deserve something and not feel like a selfish prick for it.
But it’s also something that comes very naturally to most of my male peers. That’s not to say they’re selfish pricks at all; but it is to say there’s something innate for most men (in my experience) to believe they’re deserving of a nice life.
Without getting too political, there is — of course — the concern when someone believes they’re deserving to a point of taking without asking.
Rather, what I’m talking about is the ability for many men to go after what they want — a promotion, vacation, once-in-a-lifetime tickets, what have you — and reach out and get it. If it doesn’t pan out, it’s not because they’re not good enough.
The flip side, again from my experience, is that many women question their worth; we stutter and stall because we’re afraid of failure or embarrassment. Our self-worth is in question enough; why give anyone the power to make us feel like even less?
I’ve experienced this myself, particularly when I questioned what the hell I was thinking in moving across the country twice. I remember, specifically, calling my mom on the first night in my barren San Francisco apartment. I cried and asked why she “let me” make the move from Manhattan.
What I had to work through, with lots of help from my mom and other dear loved ones, was that I deserved to take this chance on myself. If I fell flat on my face and decided I didn’t like SF (as I had determined with NYC), that didn’t make me a failure. The only failure would be in not taking the chance.
If I looked back at 40 (or 30!), she reminded me, I’d kick myself if I hadn’t at least tried.
Am I successful here? That’s all relative. I’m not a bitcoin billionaire (or a startup septillionaire 😉 ), but I’ve made a life I’m proud of here and continue to take chances on myself often. I try new things, have difficult conversations, publish this blog for goodness sake!, and I’ve come out the other side just fine.
After all, falling on my face is just another of life’s lessons, which surely won’t stop at 30. It only means I took the steps to put myself out there and try to fly. And that’s something I think we all deserve.
I’ve sat down to write non-WO posts time after time, but I can’t seem to get the words out. There are a multitude of topics I want to cover; and yet, I can’t push through the pain, frustration or sheer madness of it all. Until this wave of emotion subsides, here’s what else is on my mind:
- Salesian Boys’ & Girls’ Club: I recently volunteered for Junior League SF at the Salesian Boys’ & Girls’ Club during their 4th Annual Food & Beer Fest. We served the most delicious deviled eggs, focaccia bread, beer and more while dancing to the DJ’s party playlist and raising money for an excellent cause. I’m legit looking forward to next year’s event already.
- Nook: A friend suggested we try this restaurant Sunday and it became the perfect first half of an eight-hour brunch. Situated right off the cable car line, we sat outside with delicious food and bottomless mimosas (served until 3pm), and chatted endlessly while watching tourists roll by. This one is definitely going in my brunch spot rotation.
- “Amy”: The tragic rise and fall of Amy Winehouse may not have surprised some, given her troubled past. But this incredible documentary gives the public a harrowing look into her private life and demons, plus the people surrounding her during those ups and downs. I saw a screening last weekend and am recommending it to anyone with two ears who’ll listen.
- “Sit Still, Look Pretty” – Daya: If there was ever a modern-day anthem for girl power, this is it. Who can argue with lyrics like “…Then Snow White / She did right in her life / Had seven men to do the chores / ‘Cause that’s not what a lady’s for”? It’s on repeat in my personal playlist, pushing me and other women to be OK with flying solo to take over the world 😉
There’s a phenomenon I hadn’t experienced until moving to San Francisco, known as Mercury in retrograde. This three-week period of time is said to wreak havoc on technology, communication and life in general … and it started today. Let’s try to put some balance back in our lives, shall we?
- Skellie @omgliterallydead: This viral Instagram takes all the millennialisms we love to hate and turns them into hilarious, filtered photos. This one’s caption? “Morning Yoga!! #yoga #yogaselfie #betterthancoffee #jk #nothingbeatscoffee #namastae #namastayinbed #om #flexible”
- Mr. Holmes Bakehouse: This SF bakery invented possibly the most delicious dessert craze ever — the cruffin. It’s a hybrid of flaky croissant pastry in the shape of a muffin, and the strawberries ‘n cream cruffin I had this weekend was pure heaven.
- Blue Apron: I don’t really know how to adult, but one of my goals this year is to gain more confidence in the kitchen (I can’t bake brownies for dinner forever). Enter this service, which delivers fresh ingredients and exciting recipes right to my door! I made my first meal with it last night, and I couldn’t be more proud.
- “Try” – Colbie Caillat: I can’t believe I haven’t featured this song yet, since it’s a constant star in my daily playlist. The video is powerful, and Caillat’s message is simple: You don’t have to change who you are, so long as you love yourself.