September is always a month that kicks my ass. Between five birthdays in the family, the anniversary of my dad’s death, and whatever else life throws at me, I can’t seem to keep my head above water. Luckily, I have a long vacation coming up this month (on the water) and can focus on the positive vibes that will surely bring.
- Fantasy Football: What else does this month mean? FOOTBALL. And because I’m a glutton for punishment, I’ve committed myself to three fantasy teams. And a survivor league. And a weekly pick ‘em. Too much? Never. Bring it on.
- Modern Romance: I love Aziz Ansari and can’t wait to see him perform live in October. Till then, I had to get my fix with his highly entertaining — and informative — take on dating in today’s day and age. It’s a must, especially for any man who “doesn’t get” why he’s striking out.
- Balboa Café: I ran into a friend on the bus last week and we determined it was high time to schedule a brunch date. This neighborhood spot introduced me to crab cakes eggs benedict, and was quite literally life-changing. I didn’t get to sample their famous Bloody Mary … all the more reason to return.
- “Gossip Folks” – Missy Elliot f. Ms. Jade & Ludacris: I love that Missy had a quasi-comeback during this year’s Super Bowl, but lately, I can’t seem to get this song out of my head. Maybe it’s the catchy beat. Or the (NSFW) ridiculous lyrics. Or the addictive video. Whatever the reason, I’m not mad about it.
I’ve officially rejoined society and this millennium with working Internet—finally! Go ahead and crack open a beer — it’s only fitting with this week’s theme:
- College Football Is Back: My team is off to a 1-0 start, so here’s hoping we don’t F it up against Maryland this weekend! S-O-U-T-H, F-L-O-R-I-D-A, South Florida, South Florida, Gooooo Bulls! (Never said we were particularly creative.)
- Pro Football Is Back: Tomorrow begins the most wonderful time of the year — the pro football season! I’ve been dreaming of pigs in a blanket and cheese dip and soft pretzels since February … because clearly, it’s all about the food.
- Fantasy Football Is Back: I’m making up for lost time last season and in two leagues this year. (Plus a pick ‘em pool, but who’s counting?) Obsessing over individual players for the next 4 months will definitely not annoy my friends. Not one bit.
- FOOTBALL.: Didja hear? Like a kid on Christmas, I will be that incessant chatterbox and fill up on candy (or beer) to the point of explosion. You’ve been warned.
It’s time for the next installment of this series, wherein I complain about first world problems — AKA things I should be grateful I have access to but annoy me anyway.
Today’s topic: Fantasy Football.
You may recall my announcement last year, just before Team Honey Boo Boo careened off the tracks into a fury of fantasy football failure.
I have an even bigger problem this year, though. I don’t have a league.
It’s been brought to my attention that my former commish is not interested in taking money from people who no longer live in Florida.
Excuse me — rather, he’s only allowing ONE person from out of state to play and the rest of us are left leagueless.
I know what a pain it is to have people Skype in and draft.
I get it. Really, I do.
Prove it, you say?
Because I sat through it last year for ONE person.
My issue is: If they’re letting that same ONE person draft from afar, then what’s the big deal with having a few more do it? Hell, put my team on Autodraft (it’ll probably be better for us all that way).
But don’t take it away for people who pay up (on time, mind you) each season.
Apparently, leaving Floriduh is FROWNED UPON IN THIS ESTABLISHMENT!*
*The .gif I wanted to create from this video refuses to load. Double whammy.
I’m back, and so are some of my favorite fall shows — one, of course, being “New Girl.” In celebration of that and Zooey’s Cosmo cover spot, I present four finds from her fabulous site: Hello Giggles. Shout-out to my dear friend April who introduced me to it!
- Illustrated Tweet of the Day: Don’t you wish the best tweets had awesome illustrations to accompany them? Your wish is artist Maritza Lugo’s command. Simply genius!
- Nails of the Day: This daily pick of the best in mani mania always makes me smile. I particularly love this homage to “The Powerpuff Girls” — who didn’t love Blossom, Bubbles and Buttercup?
- Why I’m Insanely Jealous of Fantasy Football: I imagine this is how many of my female friends feel about FFL, and I applaud contributor Jessie Rosen for her take on the “sport.” Lord knows we all get a little crazy this time of year.
- Rhythm Is Gonna Get You: Aside from it being one of the most annoying words to spell, rhythm is also responsible for some pretty dark deeds. Check out writer Kevin Matthews’s take here.
There are tons of other great finds, like How to Tell If Your Boyfriend Is a Scrub and A Petition to Dethrone Ice Cream as the Official Food of the Break-Up.
And the best thing about Hello Giggles is its stringent moderation of comments. Nothing negative is posted, and it’s all focused on celebrating the quirky girl in us all. Go forth and read, my friends!
Happy Halloween weekend to all, from your friendly neighborhood insurance agent!
My plans consist of:
- Happy hours; yes, that’s meant to be plural
- “Hocus Pocus” — particularly for SJP’s finest work and the sisters’ rendition of “I Put a Spell on You”
- Football games (mostly yelling at the TV as my Fantasy dreams are squashed)
- Homemade caramel apples — not to be confused with candy apples, ick — if I can find any
What will you be for Halloween? And, where can I find a damn caramel apple?
This week has been pretty rough — like a same shit, different toilet kind of week. I am in serious need of a vacay. Lucky for me, I’m headed to San Francisco next week for play (oh, and work). Until I get to The City by the Bay, here’s what’ll keep me happy.
Mila Kunis: I’ve loved Mila since her spoiled Jackie days on “That 70’s Show.” Her roles in “Forgetting Sarah Marshall” and “Black Swan” were great, but 2011 has treated her best. She’s agreed to attend a military ball with a Marine, was fantastic in “Friends with Benefits” and she just told off a reporter on behalf of JT — in Russian —удивительный (or, awesome!)
My Scrabble Ring: Arguably the best $5 I’ve ever spent, I absolutely adore the Scrabble ring I purchased from robotsnappingturtle on Etsy. It’s simple, sweet and it showcases my word-nerdiness … many thanks to Rachel for the find!
The Triumphant Return of “Jersey Shore”: Viva Italia! I know we’re still a day away from the premiere, but I can already guarantee that the guidos and guidettes will provide endless entertainment this season. Putting a bunch of Italian-Americans in a foreign country = let the clusterfuck begin.
All Things Football: The lockout is over, and America has been celebrating for a week straight. From a local strip club’s marquee (“Our girls won’t lock out NFL players”) to “The League” having something to film this season to the fantasy draft I just calendared, it’s about time the frenzy began. Let’s. Do. This.
Hope your week is swell, mothatruckas!