I feel like all I can ever say lately is, “I’m tired.” Between crazy projects at work and crazy fun social events, I’m just run down and in need of Wittyburg time. Until I (ever?) learn how to relax, here’s what’s kept me smiling:
- lovejpep: My dear friend Justine’s birthday is tomorrow, so what better way to celebrate than catch up with her blog? It’s inspiring, thought-provoking and incredibly charming. Happy birthday, boobear!
- My High School Reunion: It’s still more than a year away, but some of my classmates are so eager, we’ve got a full-fledged #reuniongate on our hands. Their public passion about gay bars, family events and crepe paper is entertaining, if nothing else.
- East End Bar & Grill: This neighborhood spot is a new fave of mine for two very important reasons: They hosted my alumna group for a Mass Comm grad happy hour AND they have a buffalo sampler that will change your life. Priorities, people.
- “Bang Bang” – Jessie J, Ariana Grande & Nicki Minaj: Spotify delivers once again — this time, with a trio of badass voices. It debuted yesterday and is already climbing the charts. Just try to get through it without dancing like a maniac.
These next few months are sure to be a whirlwind of packing and planning, so I’m gonna try to keep my head on straight as best as I can. Some tricks to help with just that:
- Long Beach: I spent this past Sunday at a friend’s beachside home, and despite the terrible sunburn, it was one of the most relaxing days I’ve had in a long time. Sand and surf are always good for the soul.
- Dominie’s: Another good friend just moved to Astoria, so we had to check out the neighborhood. This cozy bar was the perfect atmosphere for hanging with old friends and meeting new ones, too. Plus, the chalkboard humor is A+!
- Smarter Women Stay Single Longer: Ready for a heartwarming tale? Intelligent women are more likely to become spinsters. This article makes various assertions — some I agree with, some I don’t — but I recommend the read regardless. More to come on that later.
- Never Stop Dancing: I’ve watched this video approximately 200 times since I first saw it Monday, and it still has me in stitches. Proof that age is a state of mind … keep the boogie fever alive, guys!
I lose it every time he drops the canes.
I stayed home sick from work today, which means I’m now wired because I slept off the intense nausea I had throughout the night. TMI? Didn’t think so.
So what else is there to do when bedridden all day? Clear the DVR, of course.
- “Drunk History”: What do you get when you mix drunk people talking about the past with celebrated actors reenacting those stories (and lip-synching along)? Answer: This hilarious historical gem.
- “Chopped”: Of course I love cooking shows, because I’ve used my oven once. This one is a weekly battle between four different chefs, tasked to reinvent mystery ingredients. Fascinating, to say the least.
- “I Love the 2000s”: Britney! Nelly! Balloon Boy! VH1’s iconic series takes on the new millenium, and the result is so ridiculously satisfying. Episodes are on demand … and kind of just on all the time.
- “Ladies of London”: I know, I know. I hate myself enough for all of us, but I’m HOOKED on this stupid Bravo show. The drama is so ridiculous, and I just can’t stop watching. God save the Queen, indeed.
Not sold on these obsessions? Just enjoy this segment from a recent episode of “Drunk History”:
We’re almost halfway through 2014, people. Can you believe it? I thought summer days were supposed to be long and lazy, but I was apparently mistaken.
- Cousins Take Over!: 2 of my cousins from Florida visited all last week, and they covered more ground than I thought humanly possible. From Broadway shows (four!) to Yankee Stadium, they took Manhattan by storm.
- FIFA World Cup: Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you know the World Cup is providing tons of highlights and heartache. From the hottest players to this one who thinks he’s Hannibal Lecter, the drama is nonstop. And, of course: USA! USA! USA!
- “The People’s Couch”: I’m a sucker for all things Bravo, and this little gem is no exception. Watch various groups of people watch TV — sounds silly, right? Well, it is … but it’s also incredibly entertaining. New episodes air Tuesdays at 10 p.m. EST.
- Baby Girl Argues with Bulldog: This just might be the cutest baby video (except for ones with my niece) ever. Her hand gestures really sell the point that she is NOT happy with the family pet. Enjoy!
I’m feeling much better after a week of illness and some reeeal ugly cries, you guys. It absolutely helps that my cousins are in town for the week to visit — allowing me just enough time for these faves:
- “The Fault in Our Stars”: ‘Twas was the perfect setting to see a movie by myself for the first time. This year’s best read was wonderful on-screen and I highly, highly, highly recommend it.
- HBO Go: A week bedridden was made sort-of OK with this service. 31 episodes of “Game of Thrones” later, and I was feeling almost human again!
- “Fancy” – Iggy Azalea f. Charli XCX: I can’t get enough of I-G-G-Y. One look at my Spotify, and you’ll see I’ve binge-listened approximately 500 times. The “Clueless” music video is just the gangsta cherry on top.
- “Part of Our World”: And I can’t listen to “Fancy” without thinking of this hilarious sketch from Anna Kendrick’s turn hosting SNL. She plays Ariel (“The Little Mermaid”) and teaches Ursula (Aidy Bryant) about today’s popular music.
I’m fresh off a long weekend away in Maryland and anxiously awaiting the start of SUMMER FRIDAYS and another long weekend in Florida. Jealous much? It’s OK … I kinda hate me, too.
- Ocean City, Md.: My first visit to this adorable beachside town was instantly relaxing. I felt like I was back at home in Daytona, and the company was pretty great 🙂
- essie Lapiz of Luxury: My obsession with essie nail polish is nothing new, but this color is the absolute perfect blend of pale purple and bold blue. I can’t stop staring at my digits. Totally normal!
- The Guys from “Undateable”: I wasn’t particularly interested in this NBC sitcom that premieres next week, but I saw the natural rapport between actor/comedians Brent, Rick and Ron — and now I’m actually looking forward to it!
- Jon Stewart Hates Philly: One of many reasons I adore Jon Stewart? His rants. Check out his takedown (starting at 4:10 in) of Phillies’ manager, Ryne Sandberg, who claimed he got food poisoning from NY treasure, Shake Shack. #owned
I don’t know if it’s the above-50 temps or the fact that beer is back in my life, but I’m in a great mood, you guys! Actually, I think it’s that I get to see my FL family and friends this weekend, while I’m back for a kick-ass wedding.
Let’s just keep the party going with these four faves:
- “Lovesick” – Lindstrøm f. Christabelle: My cubemate makes awesome playlists, and this jam has been stuck in my head on repeat pretty much since VD Day. Enjoy!
- Snuff Box: A friend showed me this punny, ridiculous short video the other day, and I about spit up my water through my nose. How’s that for visual confirmation of the funny?
- Brian Williams Raps “Gin and Juice”: Jimmy Fallon has done it again, this time with our favorite NBC anchor paying homage to Snoop. Just try to not burst into laughter … it’s impossible.
- Muffins: This was one of my first forays into YouTube binge-watching, but my friend aforementioned in #2 had never been formally introduced. His tears of laughter said it all.
I write today still recovering from the past weekend’s shenanigans and prepping for what’s coming in the days ahead. So just bear with me:
- Tinder: Well, duh. Even though I’ve already mastered it — and the game aspect isn’t all that exciting anymore — I still have to applaud its creators for appealing to millions of ADD millenials.
- “Chrisley Knows Best”: I was intrigued by the previews for this new show with its patriarch retorting to one child that he’s “been there, done that and got the T-shirt, son, and you’re just doing reruns.” Trust me, it doesn’t disappoint. Catch new episodes Tuesdays at 10 EST on USA.
- Magz Coming to Visit: My one and only, favorite momma is spending a week with me starting tomorrow! I can hardly contain my excitement to show her how grown up I am.
- Christopher Walken Dance Now: I’m told this video went viral yesterday (a year in Internet land), but I discovered it today so LISTEN UP. Umm, it’s a mash-up of Christopher Walken dancing. Not much else to say.
After much hemming and hawing, I finally joined the “social networking,” AKA laziest dating app ever, Tinder.
And since I’ve been on it for about 48 hours, I’m basically an expert. Check out this fancy infograph and get ready for some harsh truthbombs.
So, I’m like Cameran from “Southern Charm” (and “Real World: San Diego,” but that’s another story): I’ve been sent from the heavens to help all you turds.
See? We’re basically twins.
Before we begin, I insist — for the first time in my life — that you listen to Kesha & Pitbull.
Step 1: Set up your profile properly.
You can add up to six photos from your Facebook account, so choose wisely.
The first/default picture should be a clear, well-lit shot of just you. If you’re in a group of guys, I have no idea which one you are. If you’re with kids, I don’t know if they’re yours or someone else’s. If you’re pixelated, I can’t tell if your face is blurry or it’s just your shit phone.
Your other photos can include those things, but keep in mind: This is a shallow service and we’re going off first impressions. Many girls will not swipe through to see more if they’re scratching their heads on photo #1.
Other tips for selecting photos:
- Don’t have pics with a bunch of seemingly random girls; you’re trying to DATE someone new and we don’t know them or your history
- Include a full-body shot and don’t get pissy about it — this is a two-way street
- Vary the content, unless you wear a polo and have a drink in hand at all times … we’d like to think you’re a little more complex than that
- Animals are featured often — nothing wrong with it, but don’t be that guy who “shows off” his dog to make a girl swoon
I just want to be her best friend.
Step 2: Don’t ruin those carefully selected photos with an awful “About” section.
I write for a living, so just shut up and listen.
Most people don’t read (I’m set for life, clearly). So don’t use 500 characters as an open invitation to tell your life story or hate on “why women swipe Yes but don’t message” you.
Bottom line: Forget writing a novel, throwing shade or misquoting an outdated movie. If I read one more “My apartment smells of rich mahogany lol,” I will lose it.
I’ve seen a lot of guys link to their other social accounts — namely Instagram — and who list their height. I’m not necessarily against either, but keep that username in mind when sharing with a potential lady friend. Read: bang_gang69 is not attractive.
Step 3: You’re matched! Don’t be an idiot.
Congratulations! You’ve picked decent photos and didn’t scare her off … yet. Now, don’t screw it up.
I’m not super-old school, but I do think guys should feel confident within this app to send the first message after matching. It shows self-assuredness and a willingness to be the first man she’s met who isn’t scared to approach her.
Make an observation about one of her pictures … not her boobs, but ask what’s in the drink she’s holding or what song she was dancing to.
Ask how her day is going, or what she would be doing on a normal [insert day] if she weren’t on Tinder.
Anything but “Hey,” “What’s up?” or something wildly offensive should work.
The beauty of Tinder is how non-committal it is. You swipe and swipe and swipe, and hopefully your battery dies before you seriously embarrass yourself or kill your chances.
Despite my self-proclaimed expert status, I need to know: Am I missing any tips? Let me know in the comments — and happy hunting!