WO: Weekly Obsessions
This week is going by entirely too slowly. I met friends for a round (or four) last night, and none of us could believe it was only Tuesday. What is it about hump day that we can’t seem to get over? The world may never know. In the meantime …
- Hale & Hearty: Since the weather refuses to cooperate and I’m wearing a coat in May, this soup staple is a Godsend. The oyster crackers alone make the literally three-minute walk worth it.
- Investigation Discovery: My roommate got me hooked on this truly disturbing channel, featuring such shows as “Dates from Hell” and “Wives with Knives.” I can’t wait for the summer premiere of “Southern Fried Homicide.” Real life.
- Hunter Bell: Winner of this season’s “Fashion Star,” this little lady is a designer who understands what it takes to sell. I can’t wait to try her fit & flare dress, among countless others.
- “Will You Be There” – Michael Jackson: I’ve been on more conference calls than usual this week, and our waiting room music is reminiscent of this MJ classic. Just try and tell me you didn’t rewind the VHS at least thrice to hear it again.
Breaking News: Jessica Simpson Isn’t a Complete Idiot
In national headlines because it’s a slow week for the zombie apocalypse, Weight Watchers has signed Jessica Simpson as its next star to shape up.
According to a radio report I’m sure I heard correctly, J. Simps gained 70 pounds during her never-ending pregnancy. SEVEN-ZERO. Daughter Maxwell Drew Johnson weighed in at 9 lbs., 13 oz. — so she has quite the uphill battle to shed the rest.
The ever-astute Simpson posted on her Facebook page, “The cool thing about the program is that it focuses on healthy habits for the long-term (and I can still indulge in my guilty pleasures every now and then, too).”
Lucky for her, WW is reportedly offering $4 million to get back into shape — I’m no mathematician, but that’s more than $70K per pound left to lose. Turning Simpson’s get-fat-from-food fetish into a multimillion-dollar deal? Maybe she isn’t a total idiot after all.
You better work (after signing for millions).
For someone who infamously asked whether Chicken of the Sea was, in fact, chicken … I sure hope her Weight Watchers consultant can help her determine Points values.