Tag Archive | jesus

What to Get the Guy Who Has Everything

I am a follower of Jesus, both in faith and on Twitter (shout-out @jesus, what up?) and as such, feel obligated to celebrate his birthday the normal way — buying him last-minute gifts. I pondered and debated yet one question remained: What do you get the guy who possesses all?

Using social-media prowess, I polled the magical worlds of Facebookland and Twitterverse. The Twats had little to say. The FBetches were marginally more helpful.

Suggestions from Facebook “Friends” aka People I Know But May Not Have Seen in Five+ Years:

  • Socks. This one’s out since Jesus tweeted NOT to give him socks. Picky, picky.
  • Big Top Cookie. I like the idea but have recently developed a problem giving away anything that I secretly (or not so secretly) want. Selfish, yes. Smart, yesser.
  • Chocolate. The quintessential catch-all when you’re in a bind, my main issue with this is that I give Him chocolate every spring to commemorate his death and resurrection. It’s also much cuter in egg and bunny form.
  • Good children. Clearly, my mother meant SHE would give Jesus good children. Who isn’t pregnant and won’t be for quite some time to come? This guy.
  • Singing at Christmas Eve mass. This gift is plausible because it’s free and only involves me attending church, which I do at least twice a year anyway. However, is it much of a gift if it sounds like cats dying combined with a car accident?
  • Frankincense and myrrh. Albeit a copycat choice, this one would have been a wonderful selection. Only problem is, Bath & Body Works did not have them on sale as promised and I am not made of money.

So where does this leave me? Back to square one. The only silver lining is that I’m not Jewish and thus am not responsible for eight gifts a giving.

I ended up settling on some song (and dance) during Christmas Eve mass and behaving myself as best I could at the family’s annual Chinese Auction. NOTE: You may know it as a Yankee Swap or White Elephant Exchange, but PC people we are not.

It’s not much of a gift but it’s the thought that counts, right? Yeah, the only people who believe that are the same people who think Christmas isn’t all about presents. Talk about self-righteous.

As far as I’m concerned, me and the J-Man are still good. I know I’m going to have to step up my game next year and really make up for my procrastination. I wonder if He’d like a lovely selection of fine wines and bread? The stuff they serve every Sunday just doesn’t please my palate and he probably feels the same.

Ho-Hum Holiday

Halloween has come and gone, which means Christmas is tomorrow. At least, that’s what it feels like year after year, the second the clock strikes midnight on Nov. 1.

FYI: This year, I’ll be playing the part of The Grinch.

I’m already over it. The music, the decorations, the wish lists … count me out. Don’t get me started on the fact that it all begins entirely too early. What really grinds my gears is how obsessed people become with the holidays, for all the wrong reasons.

Now, I’m not going to be a Bible-beating preacher on this one. Everyone is entitled to their beliefs but seriously? Dec. 25 isn’t about material gifts. It shouldn’t be a pressure cooker for parents to please their spoiled, gluttonous children or for boyfriends to sweat out which piece of jewelry to buy.

The holidays aren’t about fighting a woman to the death for the new action figure or cutting off people in the parking lot for that coveted space.

It sickens me to see the “holiday spirit” consist of a “Fuck you!” and a middle finger. What’s there to celebrate in that?

I will admit, I’m not a model Catholic but I truly believe that Christmas is about the birth of Jesus and His gift to the world. I can’t speak for the non-Christian religious holidays in the wintertime, but I highly doubt that their central meaning involves steep price tags and greedy thoughts.

To me, Christmas is a time to celebrate the blessings afforded to us. It’s a time to spend with family, some who you may not see for another year or longer. It’s a chance to take just one day to rejoice and thank the Lord for all that He has given.

The presents will never go away, and I’m not suggesting they do. I’m not delusional, and I happen to enjoy creating or buying thoughtful gifts for my closest of kin. It surely sounds hypocritical, but I also know that we’re all material girls, living in a material world (to some degree).

I’ll admit that my disdain for the holiday season is especially heightened with my current job in advertising. I’m tired of reading about winter-scented candles and the hottest toys of the season. Adding sparkle and snowflakes to websites doesn’t make me merry and bright.

I just wish we could just remember that at the end of the day, it’s more than pretty packaging and empty wallets. It’s about kindness toward others and filling their hearts with the hope that not everyone is a selfish prick.

Season’s greetings.