So, the Oscars were Sunday — did you guys hear about this? Didja see this? I put my best, most-critical foot forward and did what anyone from my incredibly self-absorbed generation would do: I tweeted.
Sure, there are about a million recaps of the night’s ceremonies … but how many of those were written by me? Answer: ONE.
Here’s all you needed to know about the 2014 Oscars:
Pharrell wore that big, stupid hat he brought to the GRAMMYs.
Lupita Nyong’o gave an incredible speech & stunned in a blue gown.
Cuba Gooding, Jr. was in a really bizarre-o Pepsi commercial.
John Travolta completely botched Idina Menzel’s name.
BONUS: See how he’d screw yours up!
No mention of the pizza gag that ran on too long …
No need to talk about the stupid fucking #selfie that broke Twitter …
Just some good, old-fashioned Oscars love.
What was your favorite moment?
I split my pants today.
So that happened … and though it was thankfully in a spot where most wouldn’t notice, it was really the cherry on top of an accident-prone week. Oh, yeah — it’s WEDNESDAY. What disasters will the next few days bring? Only time will tell. Let’s focus on something happy, instead:
- Name that ‘Stache Calendar: Now that I’m all set up with a real live desk, I’ve got this daily laugh to keep me entertained. Many thanks to Santa for the excellent stocking stuffer.
- My Shows Return: From “GIRLS” to “Nashville” to “Workaholics,” I couldn’t be more pumped for this week’s winter premieres. Thank you, cable gods.
- This someecard: I have an ever-growing love for these guys, but maybe no other has been as true as this one. I pinned it yesterday and it’s since gotten 100 repins — so I know I’m not the only one feeling that way.
- The 70th Annual Golden Globes: How is it I’m still enthralled with recaps of the awards show I watched three days ago? Simple: Tina, Amy and Jennifer killed it. Enjoy.