I split my pants today.
So that happened … and though it was thankfully in a spot where most wouldn’t notice, it was really the cherry on top of an accident-prone week. Oh, yeah — it’s WEDNESDAY. What disasters will the next few days bring? Only time will tell. Let’s focus on something happy, instead:
- Name that ‘Stache Calendar: Now that I’m all set up with a real live desk, I’ve got this daily laugh to keep me entertained. Many thanks to Santa for the excellent stocking stuffer.
- My Shows Return: From “GIRLS” to “Nashville” to “Workaholics,” I couldn’t be more pumped for this week’s winter premieres. Thank you, cable gods.
- This someecard: I have an ever-growing love for these guys, but maybe no other has been as true as this one. I pinned it yesterday and it’s since gotten 100 repins — so I know I’m not the only one feeling that way.
- The 70th Annual Golden Globes: How is it I’m still enthralled with recaps of the awards show I watched three days ago? Simple: Tina, Amy and Jennifer killed it. Enjoy.
I haven’t been feeling well lately — likely a combination of overexerting myself and not eating properly (oh, and drinking till I can’t feel feelings anymore). Lucky for me, Pinterest is overflowing with adorbs pictures of animals, so the icky feelings subside … even if only for a little while.
Some of my faves from the “Furry Friends” board I hold so dearly to my heart:
Happy puppy makes me … happy.
Cupcake? What cupcake?
Little baby puppy butt
Yes, you’re a lion. Now get out of the tree.
There, now don’t you feel better too?
Happy VD Day, all! Hope you’re celebrating with good people and even better drinks. I chose to celebrate by taking on a Martha Stewart craft for the Valentine’s mailboxes at my office. I even pinned it to make sure I stuck to my goal. Just four steps … how hard could it be?
Side note: As a former sorority girl, I pride myself on my crafting skillz — especially if I can get hold of glitter glue.
But that Martha, she is a saucy minx. She makes it look so simple: Cut felt circles, glue ribbon and wire to them, insert a fortune and fold! That’s it!
Instead, here’s how horribly it all went down:
1. Using fabric shears, cut a 4-1/2-inch diameter circle from a piece of felt. Cut a piece of matching ribbon slightly shorter than 4-1/2 inches. Using wire cutters, cut a piece of floral wire slightly shorter than the length of ribbon. (So far, so good. Except, I mixed up the red and pink ribbons with the opposite-colored felt pieces. I’m sure no one will notice.)
What could possibly go wrong here?
2. Using craft glue, affix the wire to the middle of the felt circle. Glue ribbon on top, covering the wire. Let dry 30 minutes. (Start to seriously think Martha’s got nothing on me … am overly confident at this point. Come up with unique fortunes in my blissful state — why not movie quotes?)
Blurry, but you get the idea.
3. Fold the felt circle in half, using the wire as a guide, so ribbon is inside cookie. Next, angle the sides toward each other, bending the wire at its halfway point and forming a fortune-cookie shape, as shown. (Something’s amiss. Why are these looking more like tacos than fortune cookies? Use more craft glue to close the taco-cookies, and use candy to weigh it down. This will work. It has to.)
4. Assemble the fortune cookies. Carefully peel back one flap of the felt cookie, and insert a paper fortune and a few candies. Fold the flap back over to close cookie around contents. (How does the flap stay closed? That doesn’t make any sense. There’s no way in hell I’m fitting candy in these things.)
Ready for their office debut!
Among other lessons, I found that it’s a good idea to read user comments on a project before starting — just as you would with a recipe.
I also managed to cut my fingers thrice, ensuring me a spot in the Hepatitis Hall of Fame. Where was that in the instructions, Martha?
After the glue, blood and tears dried, they ended up looking just fine. And next to my Red Velvet Cookies and Justin Bieber cards, nobody cared that they didn’t quite resemble treats from a post-Moo Goo Gai Pan coma.
Now that’s romantic.
I never tire of writing ridiculous Christmas Wish Lists. I rarely need anything, and I prefer to buy the things I want for myself. So, here’s my 2011 Wish List for Santa — good luck, big guy.
For Christmas this year, I want:
My boyfrand to stop being on location for so many movies
Snow-capped Central Park … in Tampa
Any of the little guys from my Furry Friends Pinterest board
Martha Stewart’s home, her entertaining skillz —and the dog
My Christmas spirit to last the entire season (for once)
P.S. Did anyone else realize Martha put a bird on it?
It’s been an emotional week in the Wittyburg world, so forcing myself to think of things I’m thankful for has proven quite cleansing. Presenting seven more little bits of gratitude:
- 8. Veterans, because we owe them a lifetime of gratitude for their service.
- 9. Fall candles, which are keeping my apartment smelling as cozy as ever.
- 10. The Target Lady on SNL, because she loves “cayn-dles” and I love her for it.
- 11. My closest co-workers, who help me to find the silliness in everyday situations.
- 12. Pinterest, for keeping the attention of this self-diagnosed A.D.D. sufferer. (Let me know if you want an invite!)
- 13. USF, for FINALLY getting a Big East win this football season — praise it!
- 14. “Dumb and Dumber,” because it’s the one movie that will make me laugh no matter what I’ve gone through.
I’m hoping the roller coaster of emotions I’ve recently experienced is coming to an end soon. In the meantime, watching Harry Dunne, Lloyd Christmas and Target Lady will just have to do (darn).