If you haven’t watched the most recent season of “The Bachelor” slash have zero interest in it whatsoever, it might be best for you to leave now. Don’t say I didn’t warn you…
- Wine: It’s the only thing that got me through the FIVE HOURS of finale coverage for this ding dang show. I was kicked out of my league about halfway through the season (don’t ask), so I literally had no other reason to watch. Thank goodness for pinot vino, you guys.
- Becca Kufrin: America’s sweetheart became the all-time fan favorite after being chosen by Arie Lyin-dick, then dumped when “getting closer to Becca meant he was losing the chance to reconcile with Lauren.” Oh, you mean like, being committed to your FIANCEE, dude? The worst finale in Bachelor history came with an ultimately happy ending for Becca K., though — she’s already begun her reign as the next Bachelorette.
- The Wine Boyfriend: I promise, this is different from WO #1. I’m thinking Becca and Michael James Schneider should be new besties, since his massively viral wine boyfriend is the best break-up revenge ever. I’ve joked about having a wine boyfriend before, but this is some next-level shit.
- “You Oughta Know” – Alanis Morrisette: Have I taken this theme too far? Never. The quintessential break-up song is timeless, angry, funny and makes you feel all of the things you need after a bad split. Bonus: You don’t even need an ex to appreciate the kick-ass vibes. You, you you, you you!
Is Daylight Saving Time kicking anyone else’s butt? I love how long it’s light out at night — don’t get me wrong. But every morning this week, I’ve woken up to my alarm in disbelief at the time. Le sigh. Here’s what’s getting me through:
- “The Bachelor” Finale: I managed to stay off social media for 24 hours to avoid spoilers and watched the season finale with a friend last night. I’m not happy with Ben’s choice, but I’m glad that it allowed his runner-up to be the next Bachelorette! I’ll be tuning in when it premieres this May.
- Cocktails for Candidates: I’m pretty sure everyone could use a nice, stiff drink with the circus that is this year’s Presidential election. Lucky for us, a bar in Austin has just the fix: candidate-themed cocktails. Cheers to The Townsend for this creative twist on political parties.
- St. Patrick’s Day: Get your green gear ready for tomorrow’s annual ode to the Irish. Whether you’re downing pints of Guinness or keeping it low-key with whisky 😉 , here’s hoping you have a safe and happy celebration.
- “Cake by the Ocean” – DNCE: I can’t seem to get away from this earworm, so I might as well embrace it. The high-pitched vocals don’t pain me as much as Adam Levine’s “singing,” and the hook will get your body moving. Now, what exactly does it all mean?