It’s time for the next installment of this series, wherein I complain about first world problems — AKA things I should be grateful I have access to but annoy me anyway.
Today’s topic: Fantasy Football.
You may recall my announcement last year, just before Team Honey Boo Boo careened off the tracks into a fury of fantasy football failure.
I have an even bigger problem this year, though. I don’t have a league.
It’s been brought to my attention that my former commish is not interested in taking money from people who no longer live in Florida.
Excuse me — rather, he’s only allowing ONE person from out of state to play and the rest of us are left leagueless.
I know what a pain it is to have people Skype in and draft.
I get it. Really, I do.
Prove it, you say?
Because I sat through it last year for ONE person.
My issue is: If they’re letting that same ONE person draft from afar, then what’s the big deal with having a few more do it? Hell, put my team on Autodraft (it’ll probably be better for us all that way).
But don’t take it away for people who pay up (on time, mind you) each season.
Apparently, leaving Floriduh is FROWNED UPON IN THIS ESTABLISHMENT!*
*The .gif I wanted to create from this video refuses to load. Double whammy.
This week’s obsessions are all dedicated to the fall TV lineup, thanks in large part to my long-running and unashamed adoration of “Jersey Shore.” Here are some other shows I simply love to fill up my DVR.
Note: HIMYM and “The Office” aren’t included, and for good reason.
- Always Sunny & “The League”: I’m most pumped about tomorrow’s return of these two FX faves, especially to see what shenanigans Charlie (the former) and Ruxin (the latter) get into next. Thursdays @ 10 and 10:30, FX
- “Modern Family”: It’s an Emmy favorite every year, because it’s a perfect combination of everyday situations with unbelievable hijinks. How crazy will Gloria be as a pregnant lady? How will Haley do post-graduation? And what will Phil do next? Wednesdays @ 9, ABC
- “T.I. and Tiny: The Family Hustle”: Despite his arrest record, rapper T.I. is a doting dad who teaches valuable lessons to his large brood. I’m in love with his littlest nugget — Major. Such a ham, and he knows it too. Mondays @ 9, VH1
- “The Mindy Project”: This new sitcom from Mindy Kaling (of Kelly Kapoor fame from steady decline, “The Office”) has reeled me in. Kaling’s witty writing and character development should make this a celebrated show of the season. Tuesdays @ 9:30, FOX
What are your fall favorites to watch? No vampires, please.
And in case you missed it, here’s the best Dogshaming ever.
Your heart may explode (in a good way).
It’s the middle of the week, and I’m feeling pretty middle of the road. Not good, not bad. Not happy, not sad. To avoid sounding any more like Dr. Seuss, I present:
Lightning Launch: I was blessed to win a ticket to my company’s box suite for last night’s Tampa Bay Lightning Launch. Between drinks, foods and great company, The Steve Miller Band put on a stellar performance. Looking forward to a fantastic season, Bolts!
Girl Talk: I’m a sucker for anything with a mash-up, and Gregg Michael Gillis (stage name Girl Talk) is the king of digital sampling. My current faves are “Bounce That” and “Shut the Club Down.” Most of his mixes are perfect for early-morning workouts or long workdays. So, you know … 90 percent of my life.
Red Bull Flugtag: This high-flying, adrenaline-pumping competition comes to Tampa Saturday, and I couldn’t be more excited. More than anything else, I’m psyched to see the biggest and best crashes. Red Bull? Take it or leave it. But, Flugtag? Sign me up.
“The League”: As much as I love my Always Sunny — especially with Fat Mac’s triumphant shenaniganz — I am ecstatic to have the boys of “The League” back this week. How long will it take Ruxin (Roddd-neeey) to screw up? Will Taco ever understand what a line-up is? The outlook is grim, but I can’t wait to find out.
Raising a glass in honor of Steve Jobs tonight, whose legacy of inspiration and innovation will live on forever. Cheers.
This week has been pretty rough — like a same shit, different toilet kind of week. I am in serious need of a vacay. Lucky for me, I’m headed to San Francisco next week for play (oh, and work). Until I get to The City by the Bay, here’s what’ll keep me happy.
Mila Kunis: I’ve loved Mila since her spoiled Jackie days on “That 70’s Show.” Her roles in “Forgetting Sarah Marshall” and “Black Swan” were great, but 2011 has treated her best. She’s agreed to attend a military ball with a Marine, was fantastic in “Friends with Benefits” and she just told off a reporter on behalf of JT — in Russian —удивительный (or, awesome!)
My Scrabble Ring: Arguably the best $5 I’ve ever spent, I absolutely adore the Scrabble ring I purchased from robotsnappingturtle on Etsy. It’s simple, sweet and it showcases my word-nerdiness … many thanks to Rachel for the find!
The Triumphant Return of “Jersey Shore”: Viva Italia! I know we’re still a day away from the premiere, but I can already guarantee that the guidos and guidettes will provide endless entertainment this season. Putting a bunch of Italian-Americans in a foreign country = let the clusterfuck begin.
All Things Football: The lockout is over, and America has been celebrating for a week straight. From a local strip club’s marquee (“Our girls won’t lock out NFL players”) to “The League” having something to film this season to the fantasy draft I just calendared, it’s about time the frenzy began. Let’s. Do. This.
Hope your week is swell, mothatruckas!