WO: Weekly Obsessions
What happens when you’re in the middle of the woods with little to no cell service?
You likely forget your weekly blog post, among other things.
It’s a chilly 62• according to the weather report but my astute observation would register it more at somewhere around 30•.
Between hiking, biking, and busing our way through Yosemite, it’s been a week of nonstop adventure. All I know is, I can’t wait to have seven full uninterrupted nights of sleep in my own bed soon. Ahh, such luxury!
Witty Rewind: April 2019
I thought it’d be fun to capture each month’s activities and milestones in a series called Witty Rewind. It may not be for posterity’s sake, but I hope you’ll enjoy looking back at the previous month with me.
This first paragraph has been dedicated to my health and wellness journey, but tbh guys, I’ve put all that on the backburner. Yes, I bought essential oils. Yes, I practiced some yoga. Yes, I ate a lot of kale. But to say I’m the picture of health (as much as I want to) would be an utter fallacy. [Times I thought about working out: ~50]
I did bump back up my reading list with a handful of books I flew right through. There were some peaks and valleys, some tears and laughs. Overall, I’m just glad my library card is getting so much use (and that my employer reimburses books I read for my job). They’re the real MVPs. [Books read: 6]
Here’s what else I spent time doing in April:
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- Fighting a mystery illness
- Seeing a Star Wars–themed burlesque show
- Explaining to people what/why/who/where re: a Star Wars–themed burlesque show
- Wine-ing with friends after a Vegas trip as a no-go
- Being “those people” at said wineries and giving zero Fs
- Spending time getting set up for the next year of Junior League
- Seeing former colleagues at a ladies’ happy-hour-turned-mega-celebration
- Worshipping a dear friend who knows how to purge crap without judgment
- Brunching with former colleagues at a spot I hadn’t been before
- Dyeing Easter eggs and enjoying homemade lemon cupcakes with a dear friend
- Avoiding my old apartment during countless showings, despite needing to pack
- MOVING to a new apartment with a former roommate! ! !
- Getting my deep clean on at the dentist twice #NoCavities
- Toasting a former colleague as she closes one chapter for a new one at FitBit (gasp!)
- Reaching peak adulthood as I nearly cried when receiving a new mattress
The only photo I have from April that slightly resembles me.
Witty Rewind: March 2019
I thought it’d be fun to capture each month’s activities and milestones in a series called Witty Rewind. It may not be for posterity’s sake, but I hope you’ll enjoy looking back at the previous month with me.
I told myself I’d try a “clean eating on weekdays” approach in March but I most certainly did not. Instead, I started on the 1st with a Mexican fiesta lunch, spent mid-March in San Diego (Mexican food capital of California) and ended the 31st with a wine-and-tacos apartment purge party. Noticing a theme? Ay dios mio. [🌮 eaten: ~20]
Despite having plenty of time to devote to reading on the shuttle and quick flights, I found myself not able to power through any reads the way I normally would. (For context, I can usually get through a book in 2-4 sittings, and a few days’ time.) That’s not to say I didn’t enjoy my March picks, but I do think I was considerably less motivated with my brain on overdrive in work summits and commitments. [📚 read: 3.5]
Some highlights from the madness that was this past month:
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- Bowling with dear friends who moved to New York last year
- Celebrating a housemate’s birthday with incredible Cajun cuisine
- Meeting lots of inspiring and empowering women through Junior League of SF
- Attending a newcomer summit for work + getting uplifting insight
- Looking for a new apartment with a current housemate
- Catching up with a longtime friend during her stay in SF before she moves back to NYC
- Checking out a crystal fair (really!) and somehow buying only jewelry
- Hosting my fave former writer for lunch at my new(ish) job
- Happy hour-ing with other former writers and getting the tea
- Helping another former writer with her portfolio
- Spending a week in San Diego with my family
- Experiencing DisneyLand for the first time and seeing my nieces go wild
- Attending a global summit for work + meeting tons of colleagues face-to-face
- Exploring the Exploratorium 😉 and its After Dark series for the first time
- Celebrating a handful of close friends’ birthdays with drinks, dinners, brunches galore
Six people looking at the camera = a Christmas miracle
WO: Weekly Obsessions
Coming off a week of work + play in San Diego, I am nothing if not tired. So it’s perfect timing for a week-long work summit, don’t you think? I’m grateful I’m not jet-lagged like my colleagues from Europe and Asia, but I am in need of more coffee than usual for this marathon event.
While researching for a presentation I’m giving tomorrow, I was reminded of this classic Yuletide favorite. I loved Parks & Rec, naturally, and Nick Offerman (AKA Ron Swanson) is the perfect person to watch by the fire, sipping his whisky.
Please enjoy and look forward to some full-fledged obsessions — plus other posts — coming soon!
You may need to verify your age before watching.
WO: Weekly Obsessions
You know the saying, “If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him your plans”? I feel like that’s the definition of how this past week has been for me, folks.
You may already be well aware how Type A I am about planning, organization and attention to detail. Pshhh, that all goes out the window when the 24 hours in a day seem to vanish in the blink of an eye.
Between multiple birthday celebrations, a work trip (with a surprise snowfall!), candidate interviews, review cycles and a whole lotta other #firstworldproblems, I’m still dumbfounded that it’s already (and yet, only) Wednesday.
So here’s my penance offering — please enjoy and don’t @ me, bro!
WO: Weekly Obsessions
MILD GOT SPOILER AHEAD. If you didn’t watch this week’s S7 premiere, scroll on down. Allow me to complain, for just a moment, about Ed Sheeran’s appearance in Sunday’s episode. I know I juuust said I liked the guy, but that doesn’t mean I want him showing up in Westeros. What were they thinking? Grrrr…
- Sacramento: In more important news, I traveled to California’s capital city Sunday to prepare for orientation at my new company’s HQ. It was 105 degrees when I arrived, so my first impression was not the best. It turned out to be an interesting city, though, with decent food options and some incredibly nice people. I look forward to return visits in the near future, too!
- Volcano Candle: I don’t recall ever receiving a candle for my birthday before, but this year I was gifted with THREE. All of them smell amazing, but I chose to burn this scent first and it didn’t disappoint. You know how that feeling when you walk into a room and are instantly calmed, just from the smell? Yeah, that’s what this little guy does. It’s sheer perfection.
- Purging: Before moving into my new apartment, I had the help of some friends who were supportive of me purging the heck out of my space. While those efforts were super successful — I donated 10+ bags of goodies — I still find I need to cleanse my stock of stuff. I started diving in this past weekend and have the ultimate goal of finishing on Saturday. Who says being a grown-up isn’t fun? This is thrilling stuff, you guys!
- “Ruby Tuesday” – The Rolling Stones: Naturally, I always think of this song when saying goodbyes. It’s a gimme for that, but it’s also one of those songs that always transports me back in time and puts a smile on my face. I simply can’t hear it without getting a little misty-eyed and reminiscent of fond memories. Take that, Ed Sheeran.
Images courtesy of: Sactown Magazine, Zanadia, Life’s Next Chapter Coaching, Discogs
30 Before 30
In honor of my upcoming 30th birthday, I’ve researched countless “things to do before 30” lists. And while there are plenty to choose from, I kept coming back to “Thirty Things Every Woman Should Have and Should Know by the Time She’s 30.”
The List was originally published in Glamour by columnist Pamela Redmond Satran in 1997. Over the next 30 weeks, I’ll be tackling each item on The List and reflecting about it here… publicly (gulp). I hope you enjoy and we can grow together. After all, turning older is a privilege denied to many.
By 30, you should know…
28. Who you can trust, who you can’t, and why you shouldn’t take it personally.
Remember when The List covered such fluffy topics as umbrellas and makeup? Trust is far and away one of the most difficult topics for me to discuss on this blog — isn’t it ironic, Alanis?
I’ve been through all sorts of ups and downs in personal and professional relationships. I’ve trusted too much and been burned. I’ve been given too much trust and done the burning in a moment of anger. I’ve trusted too little and burned myself. Trusting and burning, trusting and burning, rinse and repeat.
What does legendary gossip columnist Liz Smith say about trust? Well, she’s got more than 50 years of experience in the business, pissed off many — from Sinatra to Trump — and she’s lived to tell the tale.
Smith’s tips are as follows, with (you guessed it!) my own take below each:
You can usually trust a gal who says it like it is.
This may come in many forms, but I’ve personally tried to live by Maya Angelou’s words: “When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.” This opens up a debate of show versus tell, but I think the point is the same: Most people aren’t living double lives. How they treat a customer service agent, hired help, someone in need… it’s pretty telling of who they are as a human being.
When it comes to romance, heed these words: Trust and verify.
In today’s dating world, we have the ability to research a potential match before we even meet them. There’s the episode of “How I Met Your Mother” which explores the battle of mystery vs. history, i.e., wanting to know you’re not meeting up (or already dating) a psychopath, but wanting to keep some mystery alive. My take? It doesn’t hurt to know some basics, like their name, their age (range, at least), what industry they work in… and of course, their app bio says a lot about how much they value words and/or the English language. But some things can also be discovered on a real, live date — and make for a hell of a story after.
Never trust your instincts when you’re angry.
Remember how I said people show you who they are? This might be the one exception. Who hasn’t been frustrated with Comcast after 90 minutes on the phone with them? If you can recognize it in the moment, at least, you can mitigate any major faux pas and save yourself the embarrassment of feeling like a total A-hole. Same goes for traffic temper tantrums, though I think we’re all thankful I haven’t driven regularly in nearly five years.
Assume you can’t trust anyone who’s just handed you a contract.
I don’t have a mountain of personal experience with contractual obligations, aside from rental leases and a million Terms & Conditions I’ve toootally read through. But Smith’s point is 100% valid: Get legal advice before you sign anything! I’ve asked for second opinions on work contracts, and I’ve learned the hard way to get freelance agreements well-documented in writing. Feeling the burn? All right.
Life’s just too short to take every little betrayal personally.
This one may be the hardest of all, because it’s natural to feel like certain behaviors or responses are directed toward you. And with social media, Lord knows some of those are directed at you. Instead of getting into a Twitter feud or FB debate, I’ve learned to not engage. If it really irks me, I might privately message or call the person to try and talk it out. Yes, the trolls are real. But holding onto hatred for them only hurts you.
There are no real secrets, so you might as well tell the truth about things.
Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you Public Relations 101. Only you can manage your story. If you’re not up front about certain things — whether it’s being a single mom on the dating scene or messing up at work — the truth will come out. Maybe not right away, and maybe not even with the person you’ve offended. But it will, so why not manage the message and take ownership from the start?
Truthfully, this entire post made me sweat 😅 But being open and vulnerable with you all is kind of the whole point of this series, right?
30 Before 30
In honor of my upcoming 30th birthday, I’ve researched countless “things to do before 30” lists. And while there are plenty to choose from, I kept coming back to “Thirty Things Every Woman Should Have and Should Know by the Time She’s 30.”
The List was originally published in Glamour by columnist Pamela Redmond Satran in 1997. Over the next 30 weeks, I’ll be tackling each item on The List and reflecting about it here… publicly (gulp). I hope you enjoy and we can grow together. After all, turning older is a privilege denied to many.
By 30, you should know…
26. What you would and wouldn’t do for money or love.
Well, duh. Of course I had to start with that softball of a joke.
Seriously, though, this week’s List item could very well be one of the most important challenges. Why’s that, Wittyburg, you ask? Well, because this requires you to know yourself… and you likely haven’t learned about the lengths you’d go (or wouldn’t) for money and love without making a few mistakes.
To navigate this tricky task, our narrator is Lauren Conrad. Yes, THE LC, goddess of high school drama “Laguna Beach,” and then “The Hills,” “The City” and basically all of my domestic dreams. If you were in high school at any point between 2004 and 2009, you binge-watched right along with me and envied LC’s life.
Long gone are her days of reality TV, but Conrad’s life is still enviable. She’s built multi-million dollar brands in The Beauty Department, her fashion lines, books and more. She also married a cutie named William Tell(!) and is expecting their first child any day now.
What wasn’t enviable about LC’s former life? Broadcasting her ups and downs as she navigated love and career on national television. While she always looked flawless and generally handled herself with class and charisma, there’s something to be said for putting it all out there at 17.
Thankfully, Lauren’s left us some lessons from her days on reality TV (and since):
What she’d never do for money:
- Be a phony.
- Be a manipulator.
- Work a job she doesn’t love.
What she’d never do for love (at least never again):
- Turn away from her family and friends.
- Lie to herself about whether a guy is interested.
- Sacrifice her own happiness.
(BONUS!) What she will always do for love, no matter how humiliating:
- Care about the small stuff.
- One word: Karaoke.
Lauren’s lists made me think about my own lessons, naturally, and there are certainly some parallels.
Being true to yourself is a core component to being successful, in my opinion, but you don’t always have the luxury of time to learn who you are before entering the workforce. You may be thrown into a situation — heck, at 22 or 52 — and have to make a decision that could define (or redefine) your character. You may be asked to do things you’re not comfortable with, and not know how to say no without “getting in trouble.” It’s not easy to make those tough decisions, but it often says a lot about what you’re willing to compromise.
In that same vein, you may be fortunate enough to avoid relationship ethics until well after formative years. I can thank puberty and my tomboyishness for that, but I was also able to discover myself as a person and navigate personal relationships before having to make difficult romantic relationship decisions. I’ve since learned what I will and won’t tolerate, plus what I need from a partner in order to pursue a future with them.
Finally, as Conrad puts it, “…just because you love somebody and they love you back doesn’t mean your relationship makes sense or that it’s a good one for you both to be in.” That may be the hardest lesson of all for me personally, but it’s one I’ll carry with me and apply to all relationships — romantic, personal and professional — for a long time to come.
30 Before 30
In honor of my upcoming 30th birthday, I’ve researched countless “things to do before 30” lists. And while there are plenty to choose from, I kept coming back to “Thirty Things Every Woman Should Have and Should Know by the Time She’s 30.”
The List was originally published in Glamour by columthe nist Pamela Redmond Satran in 1997. Over the next 30 weeks, I’ll be tackling each item on The List and reflecting about it here… publicly (gulp). I hope you enjoy and we can grow together. After all, turning older is a privilege denied to many.
By 30, you should know…
19. When to try harder and when to walk away.
Similar to last week’s task, this challenge made me think a lot about what it means to quit.
Often seen as a pejorative term, quitting is frowned upon — usually without taking into consideration our human and humble needs. It doesn’t have to mean you’ve given up, or you haven’t tried hard enough or some other iteration of being a whiny baby.
To be clear, it’s understandable why “winners never quit and quitters never win” was drilled into our heads as kids. The point is about learning resiliency, and how there will often be things in life you have to do — whether or not you want to.
I was on a cycle for years of starting the year strong with Girl Scouts. We’d come off an amazing summer trip; I’d be pumped for the year ahead; and then around the time we had to sell cookies or calendars, I wanted out. Girl Scouts was dorky, or I was frenemies with a troop member or camping was gross. My parents wouldn’t let me quit mid-year, though — I was to see myself through the end of the year and then I could choose to not sign up for the following year. And what would always happen at the end of each year? Another amazing summer trip, and we’d start the routine all over again.
What if my parents had let me quit any of those times I cried dramatically about hating it? I wouldn’t have completed thousands of hours of volunteer work; nor earned my Silver Award, my Gold Award (the highest honor in Girl Scouts) nor my college scholarship for scouting service. I wouldn’t have continued what have become some of my longest-lasting friendships. I wouldn’t have cried at the thought of my former camp suffering from a massive brush fire last weekend.
Instead, I would have learned it’s OK to give up when things get tough.
I went through similar lessons in my years of athletic competition. Whether it was a practice, scrimmage, game or tournament, I’d want to give up when I just wasn’t feeling it. But I’d learn at the end of each season how perseverance paid off and hard workers were often rewarded. Setting records, learning leadership, forging friendships — these are just a few of the perks of sticking a tough situation out. And earning those after you’ve been ready to give up is all that much sweeter.
Now, what’s equally important, is knowing when to walk away.
This is one I clearly haven’t mastered, as evidenced in last week’s essay. Comedienne Kathy Griffin writes this week’s response to The List, and she provides the classic example of leaving an unhealthy relationship.
The problem for many of us, though, is not seeing how unhealthy a relationship is until we’re out of it. Hindsight is often 20/20… so how do we bump it up into foresight?
Objectively, you can look at the data. See what patterns emerge from past relationships (or jobs, or friendships… you get the idea). Do you leave feeling used or bad about yourself or some other negative way? Is it really possible for the situation to change, or are you giving it your all without ever receiving anything back?
Griffin points out how stereotypically easy it is for men to move on from relationships. They leave without looking back. But women, often, are “more analytical and accommodating. We tend to hang in there and try harder.” That’s not necessarily wrong of us, but it can explain why we can feel like it’s our fault if/when things don’t work out.
The point this week, I think, is finding the balance and trusting your instinct. If you feel you should try harder, then set a timeline to check in with yourself again and see if things have improved. Don’t give up, per se, but reevaluate what’s worth your precious time, effort and energy. And if you feel it’s time to walk away — or all of your friends are saying so because they’re acknowledging what you won’t — then know that you will be OK and aren’t a failure for doing so.
At the end of the day, it isn’t selfish to prioritize your needs and learn these lessons. It’s self-care.
30 Before 30
In honor of my upcoming 30th birthday, I’ve researched countless “things to do before 30” lists. And while there are plenty to choose from, I kept coming back to “Thirty Things Every Woman Should Have and Should Know by the Time She’s 30.”
The List was originally published in Glamour by columnist Pamela Redmond Satran in 1997. Over the next 30 weeks, I’ll be tackling each item on The List and reflecting about it here… publicly (gulp). I hope you enjoy and we can grow together. After all, turning older is a privilege denied to many.
By 30, you should have…
15. A solid start on a satisfying career, a satisfying relationship, and all those other facets of life that do get better.
Legendary anchor and journalist Katie Couric writes us into our halfway point this week. She begins by telling us she spent her 20s focused on her career, allowing work to take priority over her love life.
Sound familiar?
I don’t know if it’s because women are becoming more vocal, or because we have social platforms to have more public discussion, or because I’m nearing the end of my 20s myself, or some combination of the above… or none of those things at all.
I do know it’s a constant conversation among my circles for women to feel like they must choose one over the other: career or love?
Part of this is, unquestionably, biology. If we meet a partner at 25 and marry by 27, we still have some “good years” left in us to have children. Men, on the other hand, can possess none of Mick Jagger’s millions and have children well into their 70s.
Putting that aside, there’s also an expectation for most, if not all, women: We should want to have children. If we don’t, there must be something wrong with us. Or we just don’t know it yet. Or we haven’t found the right person (because who would ever choose to be a single mother?). As I once heard from a wise mother of two, “Any fool can have a baby.” Yet there’s still this need from society for all women to become mothers.
I’m getting deeper than Couric’s message was, but I felt it a necessary piece of the Career vs. Love debate: So much of this boils down to a woman’s choices and her desire to put herself first.
As I’ve often discussed on this very blog, and IRL ad nauseam, I’ve put my career ahead of most other things. In my seven-point-five years since undergrad, I’ve sacrificed some friendships, ended some romantic relationships, often worked tirelessly without need of recognition — and as long as I could get to a certain career milestone before 30, it’d all be worth it.
I’ll hit that career milestone on Thursday, as my role in my current company shifts. And you know what? I don’t know yet that it was worth it. Sure, I’m thrilled to hit this arbitrary goal I set so long ago. But I still question my career choices often and wonder where my next years will take me after this hurdle is overcome.
Part of that may be my inability to be completely satisfied. And while I should save that for a therapy session, I do question if accomplishing this career goal means I can finally ease my foot off the go-getter gas a little and refocus on romantic relationships. If I can allow myself to be loved, to be taken care of, to let my walls down and be vulnerable again.
Couric even briefly touches on losing her first husband to cancer, and how “the ability to accept and adapt gracefully to life’s twist and turns is one of the greatest skills you’ll learn.”
I know the ride’s not over yet, but I’m certainly going to buckle up for the journey ahead.
Wittyburg.com 