WO: Weekly Obsessions
The past week with Magz visiting has been an absolute blast — an exhausting blast, mind you — but a blast nonetheless. She’s seen so much and kept me out way past my bedtime … we even closed down the bar Saturday night!
And her faithful travel companion, Flat Stanley, has been quite the little hellraiser. It was hard to narrow down our top picks, but I got by with a little help from my (flat) friend:
- Salsa y Salsa: This Mexican restaurant in Chelsea is the perfect mix of traditional favorites and modern flavors. The margaritas are exceptional, as were the fish tacos. ¡Ay dios!
- Rice to Riches: I was skeptical as any when a friend recommended this concept shop that serves only rice pudding. Boy, is my face red. The Chocolate Chip Flirt was divine and well worth our trek to Chinatown.
- Madame Tussaud’s Wax Museum: What else can you do in NYC besides eat? Well, hang out with a bunch of creepy wax figures, of course! The handiwork is actually quite incredible and the atmosphere welcomed our goofing around.
- “Rock of Ages”: We just had to see a Broadway show, and this choice was phenomenal. All of the cast and crew were so talented, and the music reminds us all of a time before selfies and hashtags. Nailed it!
WO: Weekly Obsessions
I write today still recovering from the past weekend’s shenanigans and prepping for what’s coming in the days ahead. So just bear with me:
- Tinder: Well, duh. Even though I’ve already mastered it — and the game aspect isn’t all that exciting anymore — I still have to applaud its creators for appealing to millions of ADD millenials.
- “Chrisley Knows Best”: I was intrigued by the previews for this new show with its patriarch retorting to one child that he’s “been there, done that and got the T-shirt, son, and you’re just doing reruns.” Trust me, it doesn’t disappoint. Catch new episodes Tuesdays at 10 EST on USA.
- Magz Coming to Visit: My one and only, favorite momma is spending a week with me starting tomorrow! I can hardly contain my excitement to show her how grown up I am.
- Christopher Walken Dance Now: I’m told this video went viral yesterday (a year in Internet land), but I discovered it today so LISTEN UP. Umm, it’s a mash-up of Christopher Walken dancing. Not much else to say.
Images courtesy of: iTunes, TV Guide, Facebook, DanseTrack
How-To: Suck Less at Tinder
After much hemming and hawing, I finally joined the “social networking,” AKA laziest dating app ever, Tinder.
And since I’ve been on it for about 48 hours, I’m basically an expert. Check out this fancy infograph and get ready for some harsh truthbombs.
So, I’m like Cameran from “Southern Charm” (and “Real World: San Diego,” but that’s another story): I’ve been sent from the heavens to help all you turds.
See? We’re basically twins.
Before we begin, I insist — for the first time in my life — that you listen to Kesha & Pitbull.
Step 1: Set up your profile properly.
You can add up to six photos from your Facebook account, so choose wisely.
The first/default picture should be a clear, well-lit shot of just you. If you’re in a group of guys, I have no idea which one you are. If you’re with kids, I don’t know if they’re yours or someone else’s. If you’re pixelated, I can’t tell if your face is blurry or it’s just your shit phone.
Your other photos can include those things, but keep in mind: This is a shallow service and we’re going off first impressions. Many girls will not swipe through to see more if they’re scratching their heads on photo #1.
Other tips for selecting photos:
- Don’t have pics with a bunch of seemingly random girls; you’re trying to DATE someone new and we don’t know them or your history
- Include a full-body shot and don’t get pissy about it — this is a two-way street
- Vary the content, unless you wear a polo and have a drink in hand at all times … we’d like to think you’re a little more complex than that
- Animals are featured often — nothing wrong with it, but don’t be that guy who “shows off” his dog to make a girl swoon
I just want to be her best friend.
Step 2: Don’t ruin those carefully selected photos with an awful “About” section.
I write for a living, so just shut up and listen.
Most people don’t read (I’m set for life, clearly). So don’t use 500 characters as an open invitation to tell your life story or hate on “why women swipe Yes but don’t message” you.
Bottom line: Forget writing a novel, throwing shade or misquoting an outdated movie. If I read one more “My apartment smells of rich mahogany lol,” I will lose it.
I’ve seen a lot of guys link to their other social accounts — namely Instagram — and who list their height. I’m not necessarily against either, but keep that username in mind when sharing with a potential lady friend. Read: bang_gang69 is not attractive.
Step 3: You’re matched! Don’t be an idiot.
Congratulations! You’ve picked decent photos and didn’t scare her off … yet. Now, don’t screw it up.
I’m not super-old school, but I do think guys should feel confident within this app to send the first message after matching. It shows self-assuredness and a willingness to be the first man she’s met who isn’t scared to approach her.
Make an observation about one of her pictures … not her boobs, but ask what’s in the drink she’s holding or what song she was dancing to.
Ask how her day is going, or what she would be doing on a normal [insert day] if she weren’t on Tinder.
Anything but “Hey,” “What’s up?” or something wildly offensive should work.
The beauty of Tinder is how non-committal it is. You swipe and swipe and swipe, and hopefully your battery dies before you seriously embarrass yourself or kill your chances.
Despite my self-proclaimed expert status, I need to know: Am I missing any tips? Let me know in the comments — and happy hunting!
WO: Weekly Obsessions
Who couldn’t use a little mid-day pick-me-up? Many thanks to WordPress technology for this unintentional glitch 😀
- “The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon”: My friend Jess scored tickets to tonight’s taping, and I couldn’t be more excited for her friendship and good fortune. I also couldn’t care less about Shailene Woodley, but I’ll take it.
- SleepCycle: This handy little app came highly recommended, because I’m regularly restless and then oversleep. It tracks your movement, gauges your quality of sleep and provides a million useful stats — well worth the 99-cent price tag.
- “The Weight of Lies” – The Avett Brothers: Another gem from Pandora, I can’t get enough of this North Carolina trio’s crooning. Perfect for a rainy day, as the forecast predicts.
- Slick Rick’s Birthday: Tomorrow is my dad’s birthday and also marks six months since his death. I can’t even begin to express my range of emotions, but I plan to celebrate his life with some of his favorite things. Miss you every day, big guy.
WO: Weekly Obsessions
It’s Ash Wednesday, which is pretty exciting for this vice-ridden lady. I actually enjoy this yearly challenge to make a sacrifice — akin to Jesus dying for our sins — and blast it all over the Internet. So let’s get to it!
- Bye-Bye, Seamless: My wallet (and waistline) will definitely thank me after giving up this food-delivery service. I may or may not have shed a tear when I deleted the app, but I already know it’s the right move to make.
- Hi There, AdvoCare: In addition to a yearly sacrifice, I try to start doing something new. This time, it’s a cleanse system to help me get reenergized and handle the daily stress that seems to just bring me down.
- See Ya, Self-Loathing: If you couldn’t tell, I’m trying to focus on health and wellness goals I’ve neglected for … ever? This includes my aggravation with the scale, and instead focusing on the victories I achieve.
- Hello Again, Church: I haven’t been to mass regularly for some time, so it’s only fitting I recommit to my faith and get that weekly dose of wine. I’m looking forward to reestablishing this positive routine.
That was as cathartic as confession — hope all my fellow Lenten lovelies are just as motivated and cleansed!
Images courtesy of: Guest of a Guest, Merchant Circle, Good Reads, NYC AGO
In Case You Missed It: The Oscars
So, the Oscars were Sunday — did you guys hear about this? Didja see this? I put my best, most-critical foot forward and did what anyone from my incredibly self-absorbed generation would do: I tweeted.
Sure, there are about a million recaps of the night’s ceremonies … but how many of those were written by me? Answer: ONE.
Here’s all you needed to know about the 2014 Oscars:
Jennifer Lawrence tripped on the red carpet —
still had a better night than me.
Jared Leto won Best Supporting Actor & nailed his speech.
Pharrell wore that big, stupid hat he brought to the GRAMMYs.
Lupita Nyong’o gave an incredible speech & stunned in a blue gown.
Cuba Gooding, Jr. was in a really bizarre-o Pepsi commercial.
Bette Midler performed, then Goldie Hawn presented.
BUT WHERE’S DIANE?
John Travolta completely botched Idina Menzel’s name.
BONUS: See how he’d screw yours up!
Cate Blanchett won Best Actress & is basically BFFs with Julia Roberts.
Take everything I say seriously, because I am an expert.
No mention of the pizza gag that ran on too long …
No need to talk about the stupid fucking #selfie that broke Twitter …
Just some good, old-fashioned Oscars love.
What was your favorite moment?