How “Jersey Shore” Changed My Life

Tonight is the premiere of the sixth and final season of MTV’s “Jersey Shore.” A show that defined many college nights (and drinking games, as a result), I’m sad to say farewell to my favorite guidos and guidettes. Are they ridiculous? Absolutely. But they’ve changed my life in so many ways:

Every house should have a duck phone: Snooki struggling with the duck phone in the first season remains one of my favorite moments from the years. I hear eBay has a nice selection.

 

FPC is the only way to be: Fist pump, Push up, Chapstick isn’t just a motto, it’s a way of life — and I much prefer it to Gym, Tan, Laundry (GTL). Who wants to do laundry when you can just slather on some sweet lip balm?

 

Hooking up with roommates is messy: Virtually every cast mate has been with the other, and the only result is massive drama. This isn’t surprising, so much as it is a car wreck you can’t stop watching.

 

Dissolved my love of leopard: Any appreciation I had for animal print quickly dissipated after seeing Snooki and crew completely wear out the trend. The poof is right up there too.

 

What REAL drunk and disorderly looks like: I grew up in Daytona, and I went to college … but nothing can quite prepare you for a drunk Deena on the loose (cuca out and all).

Expanded my vocabulary: Among many other words and phrases, I am now familiar with these JS-ims: grenade (ugly person, usually girl), smush (have sex), cuca (lady bits), gorilla juicehead (buff dude, without brains).

How to be the “the sweetest bitch you’ll ever meet”: It’s Sammi “Sweetheart” Giancola’s trademark line, but I didn’t get it until we were a few seasons in. She’s a whole new level of cray cray.

 

No relationship will ever be as f’ed up as Ron and Sam: Speaking of Sammi, her on-again, off-again relationship with Ronnie Ortiz-Magro goes down in history as the most tumultuous of all time. God help us if they ever have kids.

 

How to goof off at work: Summers at The Shore Store, a gelato shop and pizzeria simply provided endless hours for the cast to goof off. Hiding from the boss, dipping out for a drink, picking up strangers … I’m not even mad, really; I’m impressed.

This is only a small sampling of the life lessons these crazy people have provided. What are your favorite “Jersey Shore” moments?

Advertisements

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

About Wittyburg

Sarcastic, sports-obsessed writer & FL native navigating SF.

Trackbacks / Pingbacks

  1. WO: Weekly Obsessions « Wittyburg.com - 10.10.2012

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: